「Coming,」Alanlookedathiswatch.Five,thecricketswouldstartsingingsoon.Hewalkedon,thesweatpouringintohiseyes.Knowingshehadopenedthebottleofmineralwater.Wouldshelethimcatchupwithher?Anevengreatermiseryseizedhim.Itremindedhimofthenighthemadehimselfdrunkontheroughlocalwinehisparentsboughtinthevillage.Hishearthadachedthen,too,andhissenseoflosshadincreasedasherelivedeachminuteofadaywhenTomandAlicehadseemedtodrawcloserandclosertogether.
Hewalkedfaster.Here,afewmilesawayonthebaremountainside,therewasaridspace,andtheolivegroves,clusteredinthestone-clutteredvalleysbelow.
「Comeon!」
「Coming.」
Alanstrodedoggedlyon,lookingdownathisred,peelinglegs,thinkingofTom』sstrong,straight,brownones.
Suddenlyhehadturnedthecornerbythestoneshelter.Hecouldseeherwaitingforhim.IfTomwerehere,theywouldbetogether,mockinghim,lookingateachother,leavinghimalone.Ashestrodeself-consciouslyonAlanfocusedhismindonher.
「Where』rewegoingtocamp?」Shewassittingonanoutcrop,herslimbodysuppleandsalt-caked.Herlegswereswingingandhelongedtorunhishandsoverthem.InsteadheimaginedTomdoingthatandhot,angrytearsfilledhiseyes.
「Let』sgo,」saidAlanquickly.
「Howfarisit?」sheasked.「I』mwhacked.」
「Halfanhour.」
「Canweeatthem?」Hervoicewasalittleplaintive.Alannoticedwithsatisfactionthatshewasbecomingdependentonhimagain.ButheknewthatoncetheywereoffthemountainshewouldbewithTom.ForacrazymomentheimaginedAlicewithhimselflivinginthemountainvalleytogether.Always.Trappedperhapsbysomemagicalforcethatwouldn』tletthemleave.
Themonasterywassquare-roofed,austere，withbarrackwindows.Therewerefishtanksatthebackandaterraceonwhichthemonkswouldhavewalked.
Theirfeetonthestonesmadetheonlysound.SantaCaterinawasutterlystill.Aswiftrosesoundlesslyovertheslateroofandtheheatshimmeredontheroughcastwalls.Theylaydown,theirrucksackstillontheirbacks,passingthewaterbottle,almostdozing.
Suddenlyshesatupandlookedhimwithsurprisingtenderness.Alan』sblackmoodeasedslightly.
「Havetheyallgonethen?」askedAlice.
「Yes.Idon』tknowwhen.Alongtimeago.」
Shewaslyingback,hereyesclosed.Hecouldtalktohernow.Theycouldbothtalktheproblemandsolveit.Theywouldreacheachother.Buthecouldn』tmakethemove.
「Itwouldbeterribleifitispulleddown,」Alicesaididly,hereyesstillclosed.
「Itwon』tbe.」
「Howdoyouknowthat?」
「Theypatchitupfromtimetotime.」
「Whydon』ttheylivehere?」
「Don』tknow.Maybeit』stooremote.」
Thedesiretopunishherhadgone.Buthedaren』ttouchher.Hedaren』tbreaktheenchantment.
「Theheatintheday.Thecoolevenings.Itwouldbegoodtolivelikethat.」
「Livehere?」
「Couldweevergetpermission?」
「Idon』tknow.」
「Justtoseewhatitwaslike.Imean—」Shehalfsatup.「Canwegetinside?」Sheranafingergentlydownhispeelingcheek.
Alanwastakenabackbutthenhebecameawarethatthecricketshadstarted.Howlonghadtheybeensinging?Hewondered.「Letgoandsee.」
TheytrampedroundbutasAlanalreadyknew,therewasnowayin.Intheendtheycamebackandhelitafireatthesideofasmallstonebuilding.Othercampershadobviouslyusedthespaceandtherewereblackmarksonthewalls.
Hecookedsupper,usinghalfapreciousbottleofwatertomakeit.Theintimacywasstilltherebutthetalkingwasatanend.Alancouldhardlycontainhisrisingexcitement.Theyhadnighttogether.Anythingcouldhappen.
Alansuddenlyrealizedwhathehadtodo.Aftersupper,intheglowofthescentedmountaintwilight,hemadecoffeeandtheysatinsilence.Darknesscameslowly;thevolumeofthecricketsseemedtoincrease.Stillhehadmadenomove.
Shewaslyinginfrontofthefire,herbodyalmostglowing.Alanreachedoutahandandtemporarilyshetookit.ThenAliceyawnedandstretched.「I』mturninginnow,」shesaid.
「Morecoffee?」askedAlanmiserably.
Shekissedhimontheforehead.「Nothanks」
HadheeverlovedhisbrotherTom?Hemusthavedonesometime.Certainlyhehadalwaysbeenjealousofhimasachild.Hetheintrovert；Tomtheextrovert.Alanthoughtabouthisintrovertedpersonality.HecouldseequiteclearlyhowhehadfailedsodismallywithAliceandhowTomhadtakenoversoeasily.Tomwaswhatshewanted.Shedidn』twantwhathehad.
Gloomily,Alanclimbedintothesleepingbaganddriftedofftosleep.BesidehimAliceslept,herbreathingseemingtokeepintimewiththeinsistentbeatofcrickets.
Alandreamt.Thecricketshadstopped.Therewasaslightbreezeandtheluminoushandofhiswatchregisteredjustaftertwo.Hersleepingbagwasempty;Alicehadgone.Forawhilehejustcouldn』tbelieveit.HesatupandfeltthedarkwallsofSantaCaterinacloseinonhim.
Thenhewasonthemountainside,stumblingblindlyupthemountainpath,hearingtheirlaughter.Softlyhecreptuponthemuntilhecouldseetheirbodiesentwined.Alan』sangerrosetofeverpitchandherushedtowardsthem.Theyfellapart.Hesobbedashehadneversobbedsincehewasachild.
Shewokehimanxiouslyshakingathissunburntshoulders.
「What』sthematter？」shekeptaskingoverandoveragain「Alan,what』swrong?」
Hestaredupather,blinkingintheglowofthedyingcampfire.
「Nothing,」hesaidautomatically.「Nothingreally.」
「But—」
「Justabaddream,that』sall.」
「Youwerecrying.」Hervoicewassoft,tender,justlikesheusedtobe.
Alanturnedoverinhissleepingbag.「I』mfine.」hesaid,「Let』sgetsomesleep.」