IstillrememberinameetingthatourMDsaidthatthepreviousmanagerhere,whowasfemale,quitthecompanybecauseshecouldnotgetmarriedandcouldn』tevengetintoanystablerelationshipduetothetimeshemustgivetoherwork!Shewascloseto50beforesherealizedthenecessitytochangejobsandpriorities.Nearly50forChrist』ssake!IpromisedmyselfIwillneverbecomethesecondsedulousexampleinthiscompany.Thereisalsoafashiondesignerwhohasn』tbeeninarelationshipfor5years.ThelasttimeshewasinlovewasinUniversity.ShehasNoLife.Shedoesn』tevenhavetimeformeals.Shehasresolvedtobreakupwiththiscompany.Howmanyaretherelikeus?Howmany「Nolife」womenarethere?TherearetwogroupsofwomeninShanghai,andmaybeinthisworld,90%have「Nolife」,nofunandnomoney.Theother10%seemstomakemoneyeasily,theygoclubbingallweek,drinkingandpartying，itseemsthisistheir「Life」.BecauseIamsingle,Iamnotasocialite,andIamdeemedanolderwoman(approaching30),amIdestinedtoalwaysworkhardwith「NoLife」?
Iamasingleolderwoman.
SometimesIamalonelywoman.
Iaskmyselfisthattrue?AmIold,singleandlonely?
Therearefartoomanycompatriotsinthesameboatwithme.WhatelsecanIsaytoyoutoconvinceyouotherwise?SometimesIcannotevenconvincemyselfthatI』masuccessinsomeway—wearelonely,welongforlove,weareterriblyafraidofdyingdestitute.WhenBellaDePaulo,Ph.D.,apsychologyprofessorattheUniversityofCalifornia,SantaBarbara,andauthorofthebookSingledOut(St.Martin』sPress,2006),asked950collegestudentstodescribemarriedpeople,theyusedwordslike「happy,loving,secure,stable,andkind.」Thedescriptionsofsingles,ontheotherhand,included「lonely,shy,unhappy,insecure,inflexible,andstubborn」.「Mygoodness,amIoneofthem?」Iscreamedandcouldnothelpaskingmyselfthisquestion.Mindyou,nearlymorethen50%ofmyfriendswhoarefarbeyondtheirnubileagearestillunmarried.Thereareseveralreasonsforthis;careerwomenmarrylater;thedivorcerateishighformanyreasons,includingpressureofwork;littletimeandmoodtoshareyourdarling』sromance;noemotiontoreleasepressurefromyourhubbyasyoumayalsobestressed;notimeorideahowtomakepropercandlelitdinnersand,wow,justtoomanytolisthere.Bytheway,nottoputtoofineapointonit,thosewomenwhoaremarriedarelikelytooutlivetheirmates.Asaresult,mostcareerwomenarenowlikelytospendmoreyearsoftheirlivessinglethanwithasignificantother.
Wesinglesarenotbirdsofafeather.Istoday』stypicalolderunwedfemalealotlikeCarrieBradshaw,SexandtheCity』sfree-spiritedpatronsaintofthedeliberatelysingle?Theanswer:alittleofthisandalittleofthat,andinsomecases,allkindsofexcusesyoucouldfigureout.
Whatever,it』sclearthatwordslikelonely,shy,andinsecurenolongerapplytoall.Fullyhalfthewomeninourtimes,includingme,saywearehappierthanwe』veeverbeen,atleastwhileworkingandespeciallyatthetimeweseeandfeelourcareersprogressing.Arewesadnowandthen?Sure–aren』tweall?Doweoccasionallylosesleepworryingaboutthefuture?Yes,andwithgoodreason:beingasingleolderwomancomeswithitsowneconomicchallenges.Butthatdoesn』tstopthemajorityfrombelievingthatmidlifeoffersanopportunityforgrowth,forlearning,andthechancetodothethingswe』vealwayswantedtodo.Weevenhavethechancetodothingsoutsideoftheconfines,restraintsandshacklesofarelationship.
Sonow,letmeandallofyouthinkagain,dowereallyhave「NoLife」?Ihavesomebenefitsthatmanymarriedhousewivescan』tshare.Also,arewe,thesingle「NoLifers」,theoneswhohavecreatedcagesorlimitationsforourselves?Ifso,it』sinourhandstosetourselvesfree,togiveourselves「ALife」,andnotbesocontrolledbytheexpectationsofsociety,work,familyandfriendswhopatronizeusintothinkingandbelievingthatwehave「NoLife」.
AmIdesperatetofindamate?Giventheoption,Iwouldn』tmindacommittedrelationshipwithacuddly,caringpartner—preferablysomeonewithminimalemotionalbaggageandthekindofincometosupportanicesummerhouse.
Idonotfeellikedatingattimes,justsimplybecauseIamnotinterestedindatingorbeinginaromanticrelationshipwithbaldguysunlessImeetsomeonereallyinteresting.ItrequiresaphilosophicalbalancebetweenputtingonagamefaceonSaturdaynightandnotgettingstressedifnothingdevelops.
AmIlonely?Iconfess,yesIam,buteveryoneislonelysometimes—evenmarriedpeople.ButIactuallyenjoymysolitudewhileitcouldmoreorlessbalancemystressfulfeeling.LivingalonecanbelonelyforsurebutIlovethefreedom,andthefactthatIknowsomanyothersinglesIcannetworkwith.
DoIlikemymanliness?OfcourseIdon』t.ButIrealizedtohavemanlinessinworkingisonethingandhavingitoutsideofworkisanotherstorycompletely.Iamkeenlyawarethatappearancesmatterinoursocietyandaswomenweneedtoknowwhentobemanlyandwhentobefeminine.
在我順利加入這家設計過曾是中國最高建築的知名企業之初，我滿意極了。然而，當我發覺這也不過是一家靠著名頭吃飯的「無生活」公司時，滿足感頓時消失。所以，實際上我還是過著「無生活」的生活，每天為了我響亮的頭銜和合理的薪水全力打拼。
從睜開眼睛，身體有知覺的那一刻開始，滿腦子就都是工作的事情；每天清晨被鳥叫醒，憑著直覺用最短的時間處理掉吃喝拉撒之類生活必須的瑣事；吃最容易咀嚼吞嚥消化的食物；盡量少喝水，以減少這些意義不大的事及其帶來的頻繁往返衛生間的副作用所侵吞的時間；永遠完美而簡短地說再見並快速出門；盡量把一些當天沒能處理完的事情留在睡夢中繼續思考，以提高醒來後的工作效率……