NoLoveBecauseOfLove
我會學著放棄你，是因為我太愛你。
ReturnToParadise重返愛的天堂
LisastoodfacingtheCaribbeanSea,feelingthefaintbreezeagainstherface;hereyeswereshutandshefeltthewhitesandwarmbetweenherbaretoes.Theplacewasbeautifulbeyondbelief,butitwasstillunabletoeasethegriefshefeltassherememberedthelasttimeshehadbeenhere.
ShehadmarriedJamesrighthereonthisspotthreeyearsagototheday.Dressedinasimplewhiteshiftdress,miniaturewhiterosesattemptingtotameherlongdarkcurls,Lisahadbeenhappierthanshehadeverthoughtpossible.Jameswasevenlessformal,yetutterlyirresistibleincreasedsummertrousersandaloosewhitecottonshirt.Hisdarkhairwasslightlyruffledandhiseyeswerefullofadorationashelookedathisbridetobe.Thejusticeofthepeacehadreadtheirvowsastheyheldhandsandlaughedatthesheerjoyofbeingyoung,inloveandstayinginafivestarresortontheCaribbeanislandoftheDominicanRepublic.Theyhadseentheyearsblissfullystretchingaheadofthem,togetherforever.Theyplannedtheirchildren,twoshesaid;hesaidfoursotheycompromisedonthree(twogirlsandaboyofcourse);wheretheywouldlive,thetravelingtheywoulddotogether—itwasallcertain,orsotheyhadthoughtthen.
Butthatseemedsuchalongtimeagonow.Alotcanchangeinjustafewyears—alotofheartachecanchangeapersonanddriveawedgethroughthestrongestties,breakeventhedeepestlove.Threeyearstothedayandtheyhadreturned,thoughthistimenotforthebeachsidemarriagestheislandwasfamousfor,butforoneofitsequallypopularquickiedivorces.
Lisaletoutasighthatwasfilledwithpainandregret.Whatcouldshedobutmoveon,findanewlifeandnewdreams?—theoldonewasbeyondrepair.Howcouldthisbeautifulplace,withitslushgreencoastline,eternityofazureblueseaandendlesssandsbeaplacefortheagonyshefeltnow?
Themanstoodwatchingunderthepalmtree.Hecouldn』ttakehiseyesoffthedark-hairedwomanhesawstandingatthewater』sedge,apparentlygazingouttoseaasthoughshewaswaitingforsomething—orsomeone.Shewasbeautiful,withherslimfiguredressedinalooseflowingcottondress,hercrazyhairandbrightblueeyesnotfaroffthecolouroftheseaitself.Itwasn』therlooksthatattractedhimthough;hecameacrossmanybeautifulwomenthroughhisworkasafreelancephotographer.Itwasherlonelinessandintensitythatluredhim.Evenatsomedistancehewasawarethatshewasdifferentfromanyotherwomanhecouldevermeet.
Lisasensedthemanapproachingevenbeforesheturnedaround.Shehadbeenawareofhimstandingtherestaringatherandhadfeltstrangelycalmaboutbeingobserved.Shelookedathimandfelttheinstantsparkofconnectionshehadonlyexperiencedoncebefore.Hewalkedslowlytowardsherandtheyheldeachother』sgaze.Itfeltlikemeetingalonglostfriend—notastrangeronastrangebeach.
Later,sittingatoneofthemanybarsontheresort,sippingthelocalcocktailstheybegantotalk.Firstpleasantries—theirhotels,thequalityofthefoodandfriendlinessofthelocals.Theirconversationwasstrangelyhesitantconsideringthenaturalnessandconfidenceoftheirearliermeeting.Onlookers,however,wouldhavedetectedthesubtleflirtationastheymirroredeachother』sactionsandlookeddirectlyintoeachother』seyes.Onlylater,afterthealcoholhadhaditslooseningeffect,didtheconversationdeepen.Theytalkedofwhytheywerehereandfinally,againstherbetterjudgment,Lisaopenedupaboutherheartacheofthepastyearandhoweventshadledherbacktotheplacewhereshehadmarriedtheonlymanshebelievedshecouldeverlove.Shetoldhimofthingsthathadbeenlockeddeepinsideher,thatshehadsofarbeenabletotellnoone.Shetoldhimhowshehadfeltaftershehadlostherbaby.
Shewassixmonthspregnantandthehappiestshehadeverbeenwhenthepainshadstarted.ShewasstayingwithhermotherasJameswasworkingoutoftown.Hehadn』tmadeitbackintime.Thedoctorhadsaiditwasjustoneofthosethingsandthattheycouldtryagain.Buthowcouldshewhenshecouldn』tevenlookJamesintheeye?Shehatedhimthen,fornotbeingthere,fornothurtingasmuchasher;butmostofallshehatedhimforlookingsomuchlikethetinybabyboythatsheheldforjustthreehoursbeforetheytookhimaway.Allthroughthefollowingmonthsshehadwithdrawnfromherhusband,family,andfriends—notwantingtorecoverfromthepainshefelt—thatwouldhavebeenabetrayalofherson.Atthefuneralshehadrefusedtostandnexttoherhusbandandthenextdayshehadlefthim.
Lookingup,Lisacouldseeherpainreflectedintheman』seyes.Forthefirsttimeinmonthsshedidn』tfeelalone,shefelttheunbearableburdenbegintoliftfromher—onlyabit,butitwasastart.Shebegantobelievethatmaybeshehadafutureafterallandmaybeitcouldbewiththisman,withhiskindhazeleyes,wetwiththeirsharedtears.
Theyhadcomeheretodissolvetheirmarriage,butmaybetherewashope.LisastoodupandtookJamesbythehandandledhimawayfromthebartowardsthebeachwheretheyhadmadetheirvowstoeachotherthreeyearsago.Tomorrowshewouldcancelthedivorce;tonighttheywouldworkonrenewingtheirpromises.
莉薩佇立在加勒比海邊，面向著大海，感受微風輕拂臉頰——她閉上雙眼，裸露的腳趾間擁滿了溫暖的沙粒。這個地方美得簡直令人難以置信，但回憶起上次在這的情景時,此般美景依然無法撫慰她心中的傷痛。