Youarealwaysgetaround
But,Iamcontinuouslymakingtrackfor
Ignoreiswhichvoice
Weallcan
Diligentlylistento
Probably
Inboundlessperson』snauticalmile
Weallcan』tgobeforeholdhands
Istillwanttomakegreateffort
Makegreateffortofletyouofthebreathingstayinmyheartbottom
Don』tlettorememberfondlytobecomeakindofdisease
在不知不覺間
我們已經相知相戀了這麼多的日子
你總是在迴避
而我卻在不斷地追尋
不管是哪一個聲音
我們都可以
用心傾聽
或許
在茫茫人海裡
我們都不能攜手前行
我還是要努力
努力地讓你的氣息留在我的心底
不要讓思念成為一種病
GoHome回家
Theysayyoucannevergohomeagain.
Well,youcan.OnlyyoumightfindyourselfstayingataTravelLodge,drivingarentedFordContourandstakingoutyourchildhoodhomelikesomenoirprivateeyejusttryingtocatchaglimpseoftheJohnny-come-latelythatarenowlivinginyourhouse.
It』safamiliarstory.Kidsgrowup;parentssellthefamilyhomeandmovetosomesunnierclimate,somecondosomewhere,andsomesmallerabode.Wegrownupkids』boxupallthejunkfromourchildhood』sdustyballetshoes,highschooltextbooks,rolleduppostersofAdamAntandwonderwherehomewent.
I』mnotasentimentalperson,Itoldmyself.Idon』tneedtoseeold392226thStreetbeforeweselltheplace.IevenskippedthepartwhereIreturnhometosalvagemymementosfromthegarage.Iletmyparents』boxupthestuffwhicharrivedfromSanFranciscolikethelittlepackageyougetwhenreleasedfromjail.Youknow,here』syourwatch,theoutfityouworeinhere,somecash.Here』sthepersonyouoncewere.
Afterayear,SanFranciscocalledmehomeagain.Imissedit.HighrentshaddrivenallmyfriendsoutofthecitytothesuburbssoImademyselfareservationatamotelanddrovethereinarentedcar.
Thenextday,Icruisedovertomyoldneighborhood.Therewasthelittlecornerstoremymomusedtosendmetoformilk,thefamiliarfirestation,theLaundromat.
IcriedlikethesapIneverthoughtI』dbe.Isatinthecar,staringatmyoldhouse,tearswellingup.Ithadafreshpaintjob,theganggraffitierasedfromthegaragedoor.Newcurtainshunginthewindow.
Iwalkedupandtouchedthedoorknoblikeitwasthecheekofaloverjusthomefromwar.Inoticedthedarkerpaintwhereouroldmezuzahusedtobe.Isatonourscratchybrickstoop,danglingmylegsofftheedge,feelingasrootlessasI』veeverfelt.
Youcan』tgohomeinalotofways,Idiscoveredthatnight,whenImetupwithanex-boyfriend.
「Greattoseeyou,」hesaid,givingmeatensehug.「ThethingisthatIonlyhaveanhour.」
WhatamI,theLensCraftersofsocialengagements?
Asithappens,hisnewgirlfriendwasn』ttookeenonmyhomecoming.WehadaquickdrinkandhedroppedmebackoffatmymotelwhereIscroungedupmychangetobuysomeWhoppersfromthevendingmachinefordinner.Isettledinfortheeveningtowatch「ThreetoTango」onHBO.
「YouhadtowatchamoviewithaFriends』castmember,」saidmybrother,noddingempathetically.「That』ssad.」
MybrotherandImetupatouroldhouse,likehomingpigeons.WewalkeddownthestreetforsomecoffeeandIfilledhiminonmytrip.HeconvincedmetostaymylastnightathisnewplaceinSanBruno,justoutsidethecity.I』llgladlypay$98anightjustfortheprivilegeofnotinconveniencinganyone,butheactuallyseemedtowantme.
「Ilovehavingguests,」heinsisted.SoIwent.
It』ssurprisinghowlateinlifeyoustillgetthat「Ican』tbelieveI』magrown-upfeeling」,likewhenyourbigbrother,theguywhousedtoforceyoutowatch「GomerPyle」reruns,andownshisownplace.Itwassmallandsparseandhehadjustmovedinbutitwashis.Therefrigeratorhadnothingbutmustard,afewcheeseslicesandfourteencansofDiet7-Up.
WepickedupsomeTacoBell,rentedamovie,poppedsomepopcornandIfellasleeponhiscouch.
Insomniacsrarelyfallasleeponpeople』scouches,Iassureyou.Idon』tknowwhyIsleptsowellafteragonizingallweekendoverthequestionofhome,ifIhadoneanymore,whereitwas.Ionlyknowthatcurledupunderanoldsleepingbag,thesoundofsomesecond-rateguymovieplayinginthebackground,mybrotherinachairnexttome,Ifeltsafeandcomfortableandmaybethat』spartofwhathomeis.
Butit』snotthewholestory.AsmuchasI』dliketobuytheclickabouthomebeingwheretheheartis,orasRobertFrostputit,「Theplacewherewhenyouhavetogothere,theyhavetotakeyouin,」apartofmethinksthetruthissomewherebetweentheloftinessofallthoseplatitudesandtheconcretenessofthatwoodendooron26thstreet.
I』llprobablybecasingthatjointfromtimetotimefortherestofmylife.I』llsitoutside,likeachildwatchingsomeonetakeawayafavoritetoy,andsilentlyscream,「MINE」!
人們都說你是再也回不了你的家了。
其實你是可以的。這樣的話，你會發現自己將會住進寒酸的汽車旅館裡面，開著租來的廉價福特康拓車，在你童年的家門口久久地徘徊，就像黑色電影裡的私家偵探一樣，你總想窺探那些佔了你「巢穴」的到底是些什麼樣的人。
這樣的故事讓你覺得似曾相識。孩子長大了，父母們便要把老家賣掉，搬到氣候更宜人的地方去，住公寓或更小的房子。而我們這些已經長大成人的孩子，將所有童年時期的破爛玩意兒打包收拾好，包括已經塵封了的芭蕾舞鞋、高中時期的課本和已經捲好的歌手亞當·恩特的海報，可當我們收拾好之後，才驚奇地發現家不見了！
我對自己說，我並不是個多愁善感的人。我們老家，26街3922號，賣掉之前我並沒有要去多看一眼的衝動，甚至沒有親自回老家打撈車庫裡的那些紀念品，而是讓父母幫我打包後從舊金山寄了過來。收到那包裹的時候感覺就像出獄一樣。這是你的手錶，這是你在這穿過的，這裡還有些現金……你可以從這包東西看到自己的過去。
搬家一年後，出於對家鄉的想念，我回了趟舊金山。當時因為房租太高，朋友們都搬到市郊去住了。我無處可投，便向當地一家汽車旅館訂了個房，租了輛車開了去。
第二天我便到處去走訪那些老街坊。我舊地重遊了街道拐角的那家迷你便利店，當年媽媽經常打發我去那裡買牛奶，還有那熟悉的消防局和洗衣店……
我坐在車裡，直直地盯著老家看。此時的我，哭得像個傻瓜一樣，我從來沒有想過自己會哭得那麼凶。此刻的老屋，裡裡外外都被重新粉刷了一遍，車庫門上的塗鴉作品也被抹去，窗上還掛起了新窗簾。
我走到門前，輕輕地觸摸了門把手，就像輕撫從戰場歸來的愛人的臉一樣。門上那塊顏色黯淡的漆，正是我們以前貼平安符的地方呀！我在磚面粗糙的門廊上坐下，雙腳懸蕩著，一種前所未有的無根感湧上心頭。
是啊！有很多時候你是回不了家的。那天晚上我和前男友的碰面，使我終於明白了這一點。