BrokenButterflyCocoon
上帝的意思就是讓那個大肚子蝴蝶寶貝從那個奇小無比的小口爬出來，那個小窄口在它通過時把它體內的營養液從腹部擠壓到翅膀，這樣蝴蝶就可以在破繭而出、獲得自由的時候展翅高飛了。
Forgiveness寬恕
Toforgivemaybedivine,butnooneeversaiditwaseasy.Whensomeonehasdeeplyhurtyou,itcanbeextremelydifficulttoletgoofyourgrudge.Butforgivenessispossible—anditcanbesurprisinglybeneficialtoyourphysicalandmentalhealth.
「Peoplewhoforgiveshowlessdepression,angerandstressandmorehopefulness,」saysFrederic,Ph.D.,authorofForgiveforGood.「Soitcanhelpsaveonthewearandtearonourorgans,reducethewearingoutoftheimmunesystemandallowpeopletofeelmorevital.」
Sohowdoyoustartthehealing?Tryfollowingthesesteps:
Calmyourself.Todefuseyouranger,tryasimplestress-managementtechnique.「Takeacoupleofbreathsandthinkofsomethingthatgivesyoupleasure:abeautifulsceneinnature,someoneyoulove,」Fredericsays.
Don』twaitforanapology.「Manytimesthepersonwhohurtyouhasnointentionofapologizing,」Fredericsays.「Theymayhavewantedtohurtyouortheyjustdon』tseethingsthesameway.Soifyouwaitforpeopletoapologize,youcouldbewaitinganawfullylongtime.」Keepinmindthatforgivenessdoesnotnecessarilymeanreconciliationwiththepersonwhoupsetyouorcondoningofhisorheraction.
Takethecontrolawayfromyouroffender.Mentallyreplayingyourhurtgivespowertothepersonwhocausedyoupain.「Insteadoffocusingonyourwoundedfeelings,learntolookforthelove,beautyandkindnessaroundyou,」Fredericsays.
Trytoseethingsfromtheotherperson』sperspective.Ifyouempathizewiththatperson,youmayrealizethatheorshewasactingoutofignorance,fear—evenlove.Togainperspective,youmaywanttowritealettertoyourselffromyouroffender』spointofview.
Recognizethebenefitsofforgiveness.Researchhasshownthatpeoplewhoforgivereportmoreenergy,betterappetiteandbettersleeppatterns.
Don』tforgettoforgiveyourself.「Forsomepeople,forgivingthemselvesisthebiggestchallenge,」Fredericsays.「Butitcanrobyouofyourself-confidenceifyoudon』tdoit.」
寬恕是神聖的，但是沒有人說很容易做到寬恕別人。當你被深深傷害的時候，想要不懷恨在心是很難做到的。但是寬恕是可能的——而且這會給你的身心健康帶來出乎意料的益處。
《寬恕的好處》一書的作者弗雷德裡克博士說。「懂得寬恕的人不會感到那麼沮喪、憤怒和緊張，他們總是充滿希望。所以寬恕有助於減少人體各種器官的損耗，降低免疫系統的疲勞程度並使人精力更加充沛。」
那麼，如何恢復自己的情緒呢？試試下面的一些步驟吧：
讓自己冷靜下來。嘗試一種簡單的減壓技巧來緩解你憤怒的情緒。弗雷德裡克建議：」做幾次深呼吸，然後想想那些令你快樂的事情，比如自然界的美麗景色，或者你愛的人。」
不要等別人來道歉。弗雷德裡克說：「許多時候，傷害你的人沒有想過要道歉。他們可能是故意的，也可能只是和你看待事物的方式不一樣。所以如果你等著別人來道歉，你可能會等相當長的時間。」你要牢記，寬恕並不一定意味著順從那些讓你心煩意亂的人，也不意味著饒恕他或她的行為。
不要讓冒犯你的人控制你的情緒。內心裡總是想著自己的傷痛，只會給傷害你的人打氣。弗雷德裡克說：「與其老是關注自己受到的傷害，還不如學著去尋找你身邊的真善美。」
試著從別人的角度來看問題。如果你站在別人的立場上，你也許會意識到他或她是因為無知、害怕、甚至是愛才那樣做的。為了能夠站在別人的角度來看問題，你可以從冒犯你的人的立場給你自己寫一封信。
認識到寬恕的益處。研究表明懂得寬恕的人精力更旺盛、食慾更好、睡覺更香。
不要忘了寬恕自己。弗雷德裡克說：「對於有些人來說，寬恕自己才是最大的挑戰。但是如果你不寬恕自己，你會失去自信。」
Goethe』sTolerance歌德的容忍
GoethewasoncestrollingonanarrowpathinaparkinWeimar.Asluckwouldhaveit,hemetwithacriticwhowashostiletohim.Bothofthemstopped,staringateachother.Thenthecriticsaid,「I』llnevermakewayforafool.」「ButIwill,」withthatGoetheretreatedaside.
歌德有一次正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步。碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接著評論家說道：「我從來不給傻瓜讓路。」「可我給。」說完歌德退到了一邊。
NottoBlindlyAccuseOthers不要一味指責別人
Howwouldyouanswerthisquestion:Iamoutofmyabuseandhavemovedonwithmylife.ThereissomethingthatIhavebeenwonderingabout.Howandwhendoestheabusestopplayingasignificantpartofmylife?IhaveseenotherswhohavemovedonandIwouldliketoknowhowtheydidit.
Thewomanwhoaskedthis,askedavalidquestion.Therearemanymen,womenandchildrenwhonolongerarevictims,butfeelliketheycannotleaveitbehind.Itstaysasmuchapartofthemselvesasitdidwhiletheywerebeingabused.Theonlydifferencemaybethereisnophysicaloremotionalabusehappeningintheirworlds.
Whatisvictimmentality?
Avictimmentalityisonewhereyoublameeveryoneelseforwhathappensinyourworld.(Anotherdefinitionnotascommonlyusedisonethatsaysapersonthinksthefutureonlyholdsbadthingsforthem.)IfyoudonotgetthepromotionitisbecauseMr.Johnsonwasouttogetyou.NotbecausehefoundyouplayingontheInterneteveryday.Yourbestfriendcalledandsaidshecouldnothavedinnerwithyou.Sheisalwaysdoingthattoyou;notshowing.You』llshowher.Youwon』tinviteherwhenyougooutagain!Insteadofrememberingshehasjuststartedschoolandyoudidcallheratthelastminute.Victimmentality.
RecentlyIspokewithsomeonewhonolongerliveswithavictimmentality.Shehasgoneonwithherlifeandisfreefromsomeoftheextrabaggagethatcomewithbeingavictim.Wediscussedforgivingourabusersandhowinthatprocessyoualsoneedtoforgiveyourself.Withthatcameloosingthevictimmentality.
Whenshewaslivingunderthevictimmentalityshefoundherselfangrier.Shefoundherselfswirlinginaseaofresentmenttowardsherabuser.Shestayedlockedinthatcycleandneverseemedtomoveforward.Ifshegotsick,shebecameangryathim.;Ifthekidsmessedup,shebecameangryathim;Hewasnolongerinthepicture,butitwasallhisfault,Itwasnothers;hemadethingsthiswayLifeiseasierwhenyoucanplaytheblamegame.Theblamegamemakesiteasyforyourlifenottomoveforwardorforyoutogrow.