TheWomanintheMirror
佚名/Anonymous
WhenIwas11,IfoundoutIhadabraintumor.Ihadsurgerytoremoveit,butthesizeandlocationofthetumorcausedmyopticnervetoatrophy.Forthreeyearsafterward,Ihadpartialsight,butmyophthalmologisttoldmethateventuallyIwouldgoblind.Attheendofmy14thyear,doctorspronouncedmelegallyblindandsaidtherewasnothingthatcouldbedone.Ihada5percentchanceofsurvivingthetumor,andIdid,butsomehowIcouldneverdealwiththefactthatIwasgoingblind.Itriedtobehaveasifeverythingwerejustfine.Whenithappened,Iwasdevastated.
MydadleftuswhenIwas5,andItookthatreallyhard.Becauseofthat,andbecauseIwasblindontopofit,mygreatestfearwasthatnoonewasevergoingtoloveme,thatIwouldnevergetmarriedandhavekidsandafulllife.Iwasafraidofbeingalone,andIguessthatiswhatIthoughtblindnessmeant.
Tenyearslater,onNov.16oflastyear,Iwascookingdinnerandleanedovertokissmyguidedog,Ami.Ilostmybalanceandhitmyheadonthecornerofmycoffeetableandthenonthefloor.Itwasn』tunusual.Whenyouareblind,youhityourselfallthetime.Igotup,finishedmakingdinnerandwenttobed.
WhenIwokeup,Icouldsee.Lightwascomingthroughmywindow,andthecurtainsweredrawn.Ofcourse,Iwasshocked,butnotscared,notlikewhenIlostmysight.Therewasabigmirrorinmybedroom,butIdidn』tlookatmyselfrightaway.Iwantedtowashmyhairandputonmake-upfirst.Idonotlookgoodinthemorning,andIdidn』twanttobefrightened.AsIwasshowering,caughtmyreflection.Andjustthatleftmespeechless,really.
ThelasttimeIsawmyself,Ihadshorthair,apalecomplexionandfeaturesthatdidn』tshowbecauseIhadsuchlighteyebrowsandeyelashes.Ilookedawful,likeateenagegirl,Isuppose.Now,allofasudden,Irealizedthatitwastruewhatpeopletoldme,thatIwasanattractivewoman.WhenIstoodinfrontofthemirror,Ireachedtotouchmyface.ThatwaswhatIhadbeendoingfor10years—itwashowIunderstood—soitwasanaturalimpulse.ItwasnotuntilIsawmyselfthatIrealizedhowmuchmymemoryhadfadedofthingsIoncecouldsee.ItwasaboutfourhoursbeforeItoldanyone.IstayedwithAmi.Welookedateachotherandplayedoutsideintheyard.Ijustwantedtobealone,andtakeitin.Itwassomuch.
ThestrangethingwasthatIknewitwasgoingtohappen.Aboutaweekbefore,IwaswalkingAmiandsuddenlysawbluedotsinfrontofmylefteye,theoneIwouldregainmysightin.ItoldmymumbecauseIfounditfunny;bluehadbeenmyfavoritecolorandwastheeasiestcolorformetoseewhenIhadpartialsight.Itookitasasign.
Peopledon』ttreatmedifferentlynow.Iwasalwayscompletelyindependent.IlivedinAuckland,NewZealand,inmyownflatwithmydog.Iwouldhavepartiesandgoclubbing.Iwouldlistentothebeatofthemusicandgowithitandhopeforthebest.Whenyourfriendsgrabyouandpointyouintheotherdirectionbecausetheyareactuallyoverthere,thatiswhenyourememberyou』reblind.
Ialsolovedmovies.Goingtothemoviesblindwaslikesomeonetellingyouareallygoodstorywithgreatsoundeffects,andyoumakeupalltheimagesinyourhead.Ihaven』tbeenbacksinceIregainedmysight.ButI』vebeenabletoseemyfavoritesoap,「ShortlandStreet」.AndmyfriendstookoutmagazinesandpointedoutPamelaLeeAndersonandBradPitt.ThebiggestsurprisewasBradPitt.Ijustthought,whatwaseveryonegoingonabout?Thebestwasseeingmyboyfriend.Herodetheferryover,andIknewhimthemomentIsawhim.HewasassexyasIhadimagined.