RosesforYolande
加布裡艾爾·羅伊/GabrielleRoy
Whydidthememoryofthatdeadchildseekmeoutonthisbeautifulday?Tillthen,nointimationofsorrowhadcometomethroughthedazzlingrevelationsofasummerthatsang.
Ithappenedmanyyearsago.IhadjustarrivedinasmallvillageinManitoba,Canada,tof?inishtheschoolyearasreplacementforateacherwhohadfallenillorsimply,forallIknew,becomediscouraged.
「Whenthetimecomesforyoutoapplyforapermanentposition,」theprincipalofthenormalschoolhadtoldme,「You』llbeabletosaythatyou』vehadexperience.」
AndsoIfoundmyselfinspringinthatverypoorvillage—justafewshacks,withnothingaroundbutspindlingsprucetrees.「Amonth,」Iaskedmyself,「willthatbelongenoughtobecomeattachedtothechildren?Willamonthbeworththeeffort?」
Perhapsthesamecalculationwasinthemindsofthechildren,forIhadneverseenfacessodejected,soapatheticorperhapssorrowful.Ihadhadsolittleexperience.Imyselfwashardlymorethanachild.
Nineo』clockcame.Theroomwashotasanoven.SometimesinManitobaanincredibleheatsettlesinduringthef?irstdaysofJune.
Scarcelyknowingwhereorhowtobegin,Iopenedtheattendancebookandcalledtheroll.ThenameswereforthemostpartFrench,andtodaytheystillreturntomymemory,likethis,fornoreason:MadeleineBerube,JosephatBrisset,EmilienDumont,CecileLepine
Butmostofthechildrenwhoroseandanswered「Present,mamzelle」,whentheirnameswerecalledhadtheslightlynarrowedeyes,warmcoloringandjet-blackhairthattoldofmetisblood.
Theywerebeautifulandexquisitelypolite;therewasreallynothingtoreproachthemforexcepttheinconceivabledistancetheymaintainedbetweenthemselvesandme.Itcrushedme.「Isthiswhatchildrenarelike,then,」Iaskedmyselfwithanguish,「untouchable,barricadedinsomeregionwhereyoucan』treachthem?」
IcametothenameYolandeChartrand.
Nooneanswered.Irepeatedthenameand,whentherewasstillnoanswer,Ilookedupatfacesthatseemedtomecompletelyindifferent.
Thenfromthebackoftheclassroom,abovethebuzzingoff?lies,aroseavoiceIcouldn』tplaceatf?irst.「She』sdead,mamzelle.Shediedlastnight.」
Perhapsevenmoredistressingthanthenewswasthecalm,leveltoneofthechild』svoice.
「Ah,」Isaid,lostforwords.
Welookedatoneanotherinsilenceforalongtime,thechildrenandI.NowIunderstoodthattheexpressionintheireyesthatIhadtakenforindifferencewasaheavysadness.
「SinceYolandewasyourschoolmatewouldyoulikeafterschoolatfouro』clockforustogoandvisither?」
Onthesmall,muchtooseriousfacesthereappearedthetraceofsomesmiles,wary,stillsad,butsmilesjustthesame.
Atf?irstpastfourIfoundmostofthemwaitingformeatthedoor,agood20children,butmakingnomorenoisethaniftheywerebeingkeptinafterschool.Severalofthemwentaheadtoshowmetheway.Otherspressedaroundmesoclosely.Icouldscarcelymove.F?iveorsixofthesmalleronestookmebythehandandpulledmeforwardgentlyasiftheywereleadingablindperson.Theydidnottalk,merelyheldmeenclosedintheircircle.
Together,inthisway,wecametoawoodencabinstandinginisolationamongthinsprucetrees.Itsdoorwaswideopen,sowewereabletoseethedeadchildaloneintheroomfromquitefaroff.Shehadbeenlaidoutonroughboardssuspendedbetweentwochairs.
Theparentshadundoubtedlydonealltheycouldfortheirchild.Theyhadcoveredherwithacleansheet.Hermother,probably,hadarrangedherhairinthetwoverytightbraidsthatframedthethinface.Butsomepressingneedhadsentthemaway:perhapsthepurchaseofacoff?inintown,orafewmoreboardstomakeheronethemselves.
Thechildhadadelicatelittleface,verywasted,withtheseriousexpressionIhadseenonthefacesofmostofthechildrenhere,asifthecaresoftheadultshadcrushedthemalltooearly.Shemighthavebeen10or11yearsold.
Thechildrenwerewatchingme.Irealizedtheynowexpectedeverythingfromme,thoughIdidn』tknowmuchmorethanthey.ThenIhadasortofinspiration.
「Don』tyouthinkYolandewouldliketohavesomeonewithheralwaystillthetimecomestocommithertotheground?」
ThefacesofthechildrentoldmeIhadstrucktherightnote.
「We』lltaketurnsthen,fourorf?ivearoundhereverytwohours,untilthefuneral.Wemustbecarefulnottoletthef?liestouchherface.」
Theyagreedwithaglowintheirdarkeyes.Standingaroundme,theynowfeltatrustinmesocompleteitterrif?iedme.
Inaclearingamongthesprucetreesashortdistanceaway,Inoticedabright-pinkstainonthegroundwhosesourceIdidn』tyetknow.Thesunslantedonit,makingitf?lame,theonemomentinthisdaythathadbeentouchedbyacertaingrace.
「Whatsortofgirlwasshe?」Iasked.
Atf?irstthechildrendidn』tunderstand.Thenaboyofaboutthesameagesaidwithtenderseriousness,「Shewassmart,Yolande.」
「Anddidshedowellinschool?」
「Shedidn』tcomeveryoftenthisyear.Shewasalwaysbeingabsent.」
「OurteacherbeforelastsaidYolandecouldhavedonewell.」
「WhatdidYolandedieof?」
「Tuberculosis,mamzelle,」theyrepliedwithasinglevoice,asifthiswasthecustomarywayforchildrentodiearoundhere.