APairofNewShoes
佚名/Anonymous
「Don』tyoujustlovemynewshoes?」
Rebecca』seyesshinewithdelightassheplacesapairofeleganthigh-heeledshoesinmylap.Theshoesareimpeccableintheirsimplicity,andnothingbutmyoldknobbyhandsmartheirsleeklines.
「Suchf?ineleather!Thesearelovely.」
「Andonlyeighty-f?ivedollars!」
「Heavens!Imustbegettingold,Rebecca.Thatseemsagreatdealofmoneyforapairofshoes.」
「Oh,Nana,Iknewyou』dsaythat.」
Rebecca』slustroushairswingsinasoftcurlassheleansforwardtotouchmycheekwithakiss.Herperfumeembodiestheessenceofspringandofyouth.Attwenty-three,sheisthebabyofthefamily.
「Now,don』tfallasleep,Nana.Yourparty』sabouttobegin,」shewhispers,andslipsoutoftheroom.
Sleep.Itwouldbesoeasytoletmywrinkledeyelidsdroopandtofallasleeplikeafatoldcatinthesun.Iblinkseveraltimestokeepawakeandturnmygazetothediningroomwhereasilverbowlofyellowrosesgracesthetableinhonorofmyeighty-sixthbirthday.ThelinenhasbeenlaidandsoonIshallfeelitscrispnessbeneathmyf?ingertips.TheheavysilverwareisinplaceandforamomentIwonderifmyweak,oldhandswillhandleitwithoutembarrassingclattersonthedelicatechina.ThecomfortingsoundofvoicesanddinnerpreparationslullsmeandIbegintocaressthesmooth,coolleatherofRebecca』snewshoes,whichlieinmylap.Witheachtouch,Irelax,Iletgo.WitheachtouchIrememberanotherpairofshoessolongago.WasIonlythirty-nine?Impossible!IcanalmosthearthevoicethatcalledtomeasIstoodinmygardenonthatscorchingafternooninthatrelentlesssummerof1935.
「Missus,say,Missus!」
ThehuskyvoicestartledmeandIturnedquickly.Themanatthefencewasyoung,hardlytwenty,withblondhairtousledlikealittleboy』s.Hisclothesweredustyandrumpled,andIeyedhimwarily.Ioftensawragged,tired,solitarymenpassbythehousefromtherailyardsnearby,menoffthefreights,menmovingaboutthecountry,lookingforwork.MyJackwasouttheresomewhere,too.
「Missus,couldIpleasehaveadrinkofwater?」
「Comeintotheyard.」Icalled,andpointedtotheenameledcupthathungovertheoutdoortap.Ihadjustf?illedthreepailsofwaterformygardenandhadsetthemtowarminthesun.Thetapstilldripped.
Hedrankingreatgulps,swallowingslowly,andthensplashedwateronhisfaceandranhishandsoverhisdustyhairandalongthebackofhisneck.「Thatfeelsgood,」hesaid,bywayofthanks,andstoodthere,self-consciousandawkward,asuddentensenesscomingoverhimwhenhenoticedthepailssittinginthesun.
「HaveyouanyworkIcandoforyou?Weedandwateryourgarden?」
Somegarden!Thebeanandtomatoplantsstruggledtosurviveingroundthatwashardandcracked,andthesparsepatchoflawnwasnobetter.WhatworkcouldIofferhim?Thehouserequiredacoatofpaint,butpaintcostmoney,andIhadnone.Imadeapretenseoflookingaround,beforeshakingmyhead.
Whenhedroppedtothegrassandplacedhisheadonfoldedarms,Ifelthistirednessanddespair.Asuddentightnesscaughtatmythroat.Hecouldbemyson,Ithought.HelooksasyoungasAlice.Iknewhemustbehungry.WhatcouldIgivehim?Theiceboxheldsolittle:somemilk,aknobofbutter,andafewslicesofbolognaforAice』ssupper.
「Comeinoutofthesun.Sitontheporch,」Isaid,surprisedatthefranknessofmycommand.「I』llgetyousomethingtoeat.」Emotionshadawayofgettingmixedupthesediff?icultdaysandIcouldn』ttrustmine,justasIcouldn』tbeartheshame-facedlookofgratitudeinhiseyes.AsIclimbedthestepstothehouse,Ibecameangryatmyself,atmyhelplessness,atmyemptycupboards,attheunrelentingdrought,atthewholedamnedsufferingcountry.
Islicedaloafofbreadwithviciousswipesoftheknife,jerkedopentheice-boxformilk,twistedthelidoffajarofhome-madejam,asthoughmyfrenziedactionswouldwipeoutthefeelingofguiltatofferinghimsolittle.WhenIcarriedthefoodtotheporch,Isawtheboynearthegarden,rinsinghisshirtinoneofthepails.Ibeckonedtohim,lefthimmyscantyoffering,andreturnedindoors.
Despitethedrawnblinds,thehousehadtrappedtheheatandhadbecomeanairlessboxofyellowlight.Myf?loweredprintdressclungtomeinwetpatches.Oneachpatch,thefadeddaisiesdaredtobloom.Idroppedintoanarmchairandswungmyswollenfeetuponahassock.
Whenthesharpslapofthescreendoorawakenedme,Iwasstartled.
「Mama,whereareyou?」
IstruggledtomyfeetandfoundAlicesittingatthekitchentable,herheadandshouldersbowedindejection.
「Mama,AcmeStoresarehiringnextweek.」Sheraisedherheadandstaredintomyface.「Theemploymentoff?icersaidgirlswouldbehiredonlyiftheywereproperlydressed.」Herbrowneyessoughtconf?irmationthatIunderstoodherstatement.「Thatmeansstockingsandadecentpairofshoes,Mama,andlookatme!」Shethrustoutherfeetintheirdustyrunningshoes.
Instinctively,IglancedattheoldfeltslippersIwore.TherewerenoshoesinthehousethatcouldmeetAcme』sstandards,andtherewasnomoneytobuyanewpair.Myheartachedwiththefollyofhavingsentmyyoungonetof?indwork,andIsteppedbehindherchairtocomfortherwithahug.
「Honey,wehaveawholeweektoworkonit.」Ikissedhersofthair,stillwarmfromthesun.「Maybesomethingwillcomeourway.」
「That』swhatyoualwayssay,Mama.What』stheuseofhoping!」
Itwasn』ttillIbegantoprepareourmeagersupperthatIrememberedtheyoungman,andIwenttotheporchformytray.HadIfoundhimsittingattheoldwickertable,asdejectedasAlice,IsupposeIwouldhavekissedthetopofhishead,too,beforesendinghimonhisway.Isenthimasilentwish,instead.Takecare,youngman.