MyFather,MySon,Myself
沃特·哈林頓/WaltHarrington
MyfatherstilllooksremarkablylikeIrememberhimwhenIwasgrowingup:hairfull,bodytrim,facetanned,eyessharp.What』sdifferentishisgentlenessandpatience.Ihadrememberedneitherasaboy,andIwonderedwhichofushadchanged.
MysonMatthewandIhadflowntoArisonaforavisit,andhis67-year-oldgrandfatherwastuninguphisguitartoplayfortheboy.「Youknow『Oh,GiveMeaHomeWheretheBuffaloRoam』?」myfatherasked.
Allthewhile,four-year-oldMatthewwasbouncingonthecouch,furtivelystrummingtheguitarhewasn』tsupposedtotouchandtalkingincessantly.
WhenIwasaboy,myfatherwasn』taroundmuch.Heworkedsevendaysaweekasamilkman.Butevenatworkhewasthetaskmasterinabsentia.Infractionswereaddedup,andatnighthedispensedpunishment,thoughrarelybeyondathreateningvoiceorascoldingfinger.
Despiteourfathersonstruggles,Ineverdoubtedmyfather』slove,whichwasourlifelinethroughsomeprettyroughtimes.Thereareplentyofwarmmemories—heandIonthecouchwatchingTVtogether,walkingagravelroadinCrete,Ill.,atdusk,ridinghomeinacar,singing「RedRiverValley」.
Hehadthiswayofsmilingatme,thiswayoftossingabackhandedcompliment,lettingmeknowhewasproudofmeandmyachievements.Hewasaruggedteaser,anditwasduringhisteasingthatIalwayssensedhisgreatunspokenlove.WhenIwasolder,Iwouldunderstandthatthisishowmanymenshowaffectionwithoutacknowledgingvulnerability.AndIimitatedhiswayofsaying「Iloveyou」bytellinghimhisnosewastoobigorhistiestoougly.
「It』snotwhatamansays,butwhathedoesthatcounts.」hewouldsay.Wordsandemotionsweresuspect.Hewenttoworkeveryday,heprotectedme,hetaughtmerightfromwrong,hemademetoughinmindandspirit.Itwasourbond.Itwasourbarrier.
ItwasonlyafterhavingaboyofmyownthatIbegantothinkalotabouttherelationshipbetweenfathersandsonsandtosee—andtounderstand—myownfatherwithremarkableclarity.
Ifthereisauniversalcomplaintfrommenabouttheirfathers,itisthattheirdadslackedpatience.IrememberonerainydaywhenIwasaboutsixandmyfatherwasputtinganewroofonhismother』shouse,adangerousjobwhenit』sdry,muchlesswet.Iwantedtohelp.Hewasimpatientandsaidno.ImadeasceneandgottheonlyspankingIcanrecall.Hehaschuckledatthatmemorymanytimesovertheyears,butIneversawthehumor.
OnlynowthatI』vestruggledtofindpatienceinmyselfwhenMatthewinsistshehelpmepaintthehouseorsawdowndeadtreesinthebackyardamIabletoseethatdaythrough,myfather』seyes.Who』dhaveguessedI』dbeangrywithmyfatherfor30years,untilIrelivedsimilarexperienceswithmyownson,who,Isuppose,isangrynowatme.
Moresurprisingly,contrarytomyteenageconvictionthatIwasn』tatalllikemyfather,Ihavecometothegreaterrealization.Iamverymuchlikehim.Wesharethesamesenseofhumor,samestubbornness,andsamevoiceeven.AlthoughIdidn』talwaysseethesesimilaritiesasdesirable,Ihavegrownintothem,cometolikethem.