ILoveYou,MyTwinSister
佚名/Anonymous
Iamahealthytwenty-three-year-oldgirl,bornwithnormalvision,normalhearingandnormalspeech.Mytwinsister,Dawn,wasnotbornsolucky.Mymotherwasveryyoungwhenshehadgivenbirthtomysisterandme.Becausewewerebornsoearlywewereplacedinincubatorsuntilwewerethreeweeksold.
Whileintheincubator,thedoctoradministeredtoomuchoxygentomysister.Shewaslaterdiagnosedwithcerebralpalsy,anervousdisorderwhichcausesamalfunctioninthesensorymotorskillsandalsobraindamage.Shehadundergoneseveralunsuccessfulsurgeriestorestorehersightwhichwascompletelygoneinherlefteyeandonly68%detectableinherrighteye.
Alongwithaslowdevelopingbrain,andlegalblindness,itwasalsodeterminedthatshewaslegallydeafinherrightear.Shehadtowearbracesonherlegsandshehadtowalkwithcrutches.Shestuckoutlikeasorethumbconnectedtoallthesecontraptions,oftencausingpeopletostareandpoint.
Whilegrowingupatwin,Ifeltmyidentitywasnotmyown.IwantedtojustbeDonnette,NOTDAWN』STWINSISTER.Welivedinasmallneighborhoodwheremysisterwastheonly「different」child.Wewerebothconstantlypickedon,andweneverhadanyfriendsbecauseofmysister』scondition.Ibegantoloathemysister,andIdideverythingandanythingtogetherintotroubletogetbackatherbeingbornmentallyretardedandphysicallydisabled.
Ifeltlikeshewasaconstantthorninmyside.Iwasembarrassedtobeseenwithher,soImadefunofherrightalongwiththeotherchildren.WhenIturnedtwelvemymotherwassodisgustedwithmybehaviortowardsmysister,shefiguredIwasoldenoughtoknowbetter,andthatIshouldlovemysisterforwhosheis,forthatisthewayGodcreatedher.
Mymotherthrewmeinmybedroomandgavemeathickyellowbookwhichlookedtomelikeaphotoalbum.WhatIsawinthatbookchangedmylifeandmyattitudeaboutthewaythatIviewedmysisterandotherhandicappedpeoplelikeher.
TherewerenumerousbabypicturesofmysisterandIdressedalike,theonlydifference:Dawnwashookeduptotubesandneedlesandmachines.Shehadherhandsandfingerstapedsothatshewouldnotcompromisethepatchonhereyefromsurgery.Shelookedlikeamummy.Ilookedsmallandpeaceful.
Therewerealsoseveralpicturesofthetwoofusinthehospitaluntilwewerethreeyearsold.Onceagain,Dawnwaswrappedupinaglorifiedmummyoutfit,withtubesandneedlesattachedtohereverywhere.Ifyoulookedclosely,youcouldseethepainreflectedinhereyes.ThepicturethatstoodoutthemostwasaPolaroidsnapshotofthetwoofusinthecribhuggingeachother.Thecaptionbelowread,「Iamsohappytogetavisitfrommytwinsister,Netti.Thedoctorsmakemecry.Shemakesmelaugh.」
Inoticedonecommonfactorinallofthepictures:eventhoughshewasinagreatdealofpain,andsufferingsomuch,thisbabygirl,whosomewouldcallahandicappedretard,smiledsobigforthecamera.Irealizedthenwhatmymotherwastryingtoshowme.IfeltashamedatthewayItreatedher,andIcriedmyselftosleep.
Laterthatevening,mysistercrawledoverandwokemeupfordinner.Ikissedherandhuggedherandprofuselyapologizedformybehavior.Shelookedatmewithuncertaintyinhereyes.IknewshedidnotknowwhatIwastalkingabout.ButIknew,Iknew.
Fromthatmomenton,Iwasmysister』sprotector.Noonewasgoingtohurtherforanyreason.Ifthechildrenintheneighborhooddidnotwanttoplaywithusbecauseofmysister,sobeit.Wewouldplaywitheachother.Wedidnotneedthem.Wewereinseparable.