AcceptingOneself
It』sastrangephenomenonhowdifficultpeoplefindittolovethemselves.Onewouldthinkitistheeasiestthingintheworld,becausewe』reconstantlyconcernedwithourselves.We』realwaysinterestedinhowmuchwecanget,howwellwecanperform,howcomfortablewecanbe.Sowithallthat,whyisitsodifficulttoactuallyloveoneself?
Lovingoneselfcertainlydoesn』tmeanindulgingoneself.Reallylovingisanattitudetowardsoneselfthatmostpeopledon』thave,becausetheyknowquiteafewthingsaboutthemselveswhicharenotdesirable.Everybodyhasinnumerableattitudes,reactions,likesanddislikeswhichthey』dbebetteroffwithout.Judgmentismadeandwhileonelikesone』spositiveattitudes,onedislikestheothers.Withthatcomessuppressionofthoseaspectsofoneselfthatoneisnotpleasedwith.Onedoesn』twanttoknowaboutthemanddoesn』tacknowledgethem.That』sonewayofdealingwithoneself,whichisdetrimentaltogrowth.
Anotherunskillfulwayistodislikethatpartofoneselfwhichappearsnegativeandeverytimeitarisesoneblamesoneself,whichmakesmatterstwiceasbadastheywerebefore.Withthatcomesfearandveryoftenaggression.Ifonewantstodealwithoneselfinabalancedway,it』snotusefultopretendthattheunpleasantpartdoesn』texist,thoseaggressive,irritable,sensual,conceitedtendencies.Ifwepretendwearefarfromrealityandputasplitintoourselves.Eventhoughsuchapersonmaybetotallysane,theappearancegivenisthatofnotbeingquitereal.We』veallcomeacrosspeoplelikethat,whoaretoosweettobetrue,asaresultofpretenseandsuppression.Blamingoneselfdoesn』tworkeither.Inbothinstancesonetransfersone』sownreactionstootherpeople.Oneblamesothersfortheirdeficiencies,realorimagined,oronedoesn』tseethemasordinaryhumanbeings.Everyonelivesinanunrealworld,becauseit』sego-deluded,butthisoneisparticularlyunreal,becauseeverythingisconsideredeitherasperfectlywonderfulorabsolutelyterrible.
Theonlythingthatisrealisthatwehavesixrootswithinus.Threerootsofgoodandthreerootsofevil.Thelatteraregreed,hateanddelusion,butwealsohavetheiropposites,generosity,loving-kindnessandwisdom.Takeaninterestinthismatter.Ifoneinvestigatesthisanddoesn』tgetanxiousaboutit,thenonecaneasilyacceptthesesixrootsineverybody.Nodifficultyatall,whenonehasseentheminoneself.Theyaretheunderlyingrootsofeveryone』sbehavior.Thenwecanlookatourselvesalittlemorerealistically,namelynotblamingourselvesfortheunwholesomeroots,notpattingourselvesonthebackforthewholesomeones,butratheracceptingtheirexistencewithinus.Wecanalsoacceptothersmoreclear-sightedlyandhaveamucheasiertimerelatingtothem.
Wewillnotsufferfromdisappointmentsandwewon』tblame,becausewewon』tliveinaworldwhereonlyblackorwhiteexists,eitherthethreerootsofunwholesomenessortheiropposites.Suchaworlddoesn』texistanywhere,andtheonlypersontobelikethatisanArahant.It』slargelyamatterofdegreeineveryoneelse.Thesedegreesofgoodandevilaresofinelytuned,there』ssolittledifferencewithinthedegreesineachoneofusthatitreallydoesn』tmatter.Everybodyhasthesamejobtodo,tocultivatethewholesometendenciesanduproottheunwholesomeones.
Apparentlywe』reallveryfacultiestodealwiththem.Theonlydifferenceisthelengthoftrainingdifferent.Thattooisanillusion.We』reallhavingthesameproblemsandalsothesamesolutionsthatonehashad.Trainingwhichmayhavebeengoingonforanumberoflifetimeshasbroughtaboutalittlemoreclarity,that』sall.
Clarityofthinkingcomesfrompurificationofone』semotions,whichisadifficultjobthatneedstobedone.Butitcanonlybedonesuccessfullywhenitisn』tanemotionalupheaval,butclearcut,straightforwardworkthatonedoesononeself.Whenitisconsideredtobejustthat,ittakesthestingoutofit.Thechargeof「I』msowonderful」or「I』msoterrible」isdefused.Weareneitherwonderfulnorterrible.Everyoneisahumanbeingwithallthepotentialandalltheobstructions.Ifonecanlovethathumanbeing,theonethatis「me」withallitsfacultiesandtendencies,thenonecanloveothersrealistically,usefullyandhelpfully.Butifonemakesabreakinthemiddleandlovesthepartwhichisniceanddislikesthepartwhichisn』tniceenough,one』snevergoingtocometogripswithreality.
Ifwelookatourselvesinthatmanner,wewilllearntoloveourselvesinawholesomeway.「Justasamotherattheriskoflife,lovesandprotectsherchild」Becomeyourownmother!Ifwewanttohavearelationshipwithourselvesthatisrealisticandconducivetogrowth,thenweneedtobecomeourownmother.Asensiblemothercandistinguishbetweenthatwhichisusefulforherchildandthatwhichisdetrimental.Butshedoesn』tstoplovingthechildwhenitmisbehaves.Thismaybethemostimportantaspecttolookatinourselves.Everyone,atonetimeoranother,misbehavesinthoughtorspeechoraction.Mostfrequentlyinthought,fairlyfrequentlyinspeechandnotsoofteninaction.Sowhatdowedowiththat?Whatdoesamotherdo?Shetellsthechildnottodoitagain,lovesthechildasmuchasshe』salwaysloveditandjustgetsonwiththejobofbringingupherchild.Maybewecanstarttobringupourselves.