GettingovertheJob-lossBlues
?謝裡爾·理查森/CherylRichardson
Pickupalmostanynewspapertoday,andyou』reboundtoseeastoryaboutlayoffs.Ifyou』reoneoftheunluckyones(orifyourfamilymemberis),youmayfindyourselffeelingoverwhelmed,disoriented,orjustplainscared.
Losingajobisconsideredoneofthefivemoststressfullifechangesyoucanexperience.Thosewhohavebeentheresayitfeelslikebeingrobbedofyouridentityandisaspainfulasthelossofalovedone.Theanxietythatresultscanshakeupyourlife.It』snormaltofeelpanickyaboutfinances,nervousaboutthejobsearchprocess,orlonelyforyouroldcommunityofcoworkers.Andmanydownsizedemployeesareleftwonderingwhattheycouldhavedonetopreventbeingletgo(evenwhenitclearlywasn』ttheirfault).Whetheryouwereexpectingthecutorwereshockedbythenews,theseemotionscanleaveyoufeelingparalyzedandunsureofwhattodonext.
Duringthistimeyourfamilymembersmaybedealingwiththeirownfearsandsenseofloss,addingtothepressureathome.Forexample,yourspousemayinsistonkeepingclosetabsonyourjobsearchprocess.Oryourchildren,feelingthetension,maystartbehavingbadlyatschool.
Thefirststageoflossisdenialandnumbness.Inthisstageyoumayshutdownandfeelunmotivated.Denialisoneofthemind』swaysofprotectingyou,butgettingstuckinthisstagecanpresentadditionalproblems.OnewomanIknowreceivednoticethatherjobwouldbeeliminatedinsixmonths.Butsheneverbotheredtopreparearesumeorbeginnetworkinguntiltheweekbeforeshewastoleave.Stuckindenial,shebelievedthatsomethingmiraculouswouldhappentopreventtheinevitable.
Thenextstagebringsmixedemotionanger,confusion,sadness,andfear.Duringthisphaseyoumayvacillatebetweenextremes.WhenmyfriendSamanthalostherjobunexpectedly,shewentfromscreamingintrafficoneminutetoshakingandsobbingthenext.Yourfeelingsofangerorsadnessmaylastminutes,days,orweeks.Themoreyouexpresstheminhealthyways—workingoutyourangeratthegym,forinstance,orsharingyourfeelingswithatrustedfriend—thequickertheywillpass.
Thefinalstageoflossisacceptance,whichmostpeoplecometoslowly.Thisisthestagewhenyoubegintocometotermswithwhat』shappened.Reachingaplaceofacceptancedoesn』thavetomeanyouagreewiththecompany』sactions—justthatyou』vedecidedtomoveonwithyourlife.
Thereisnorightorwrongwaytoexperiencethestagesofloss.Mostpeoplemoveinandoutofthemovertime.Forexample,youmaystartsleepingmore(orless),eatingmore(orless),andyoumayevenfindyourselfrememberingotherlosses.Thesereactionsarenormal.Theycanalsoserveasaremindertotreatyourselfwithcompassion.
Itmaybehardtobelieveatfirst,butyoucanultimatelyusethisexperiencetoyouradvantage—tofindanother,perhapsevenbetterjobtostrengthenyourrelationshipwithyourfamilyandtomakesomemuch-neededchangesinyourlife.Herearethreeessentialsteps.
Step1
Getemotionalsupport.
Becauseit』seasytofeelunsettledandvulnerable,reachingouttoothersisthekeytomakeasmoothtransition.You』llneedpeoplewhowilllistenandprovideasafehavenforyoutovent,cry,orexpressyourtearsandconcerns.Youcanleanonatrustedfriend,afellowcoworkerinthesamesituation,orasibling.Inaddition,youmightwanttojoinanonlinediscussiongroup(seestep2below)oracareersupportgroupatyourchurchorcommunitycenter.Yourlocalunemploymentofficescanprovideaffordableresourcesnearyou.
Havethissupportinplacebeforeyoutakestepstosecureyournextposition.Toooftenpeoplebringtheirangerorbitternessintoajobinterviewonlytolosetheopportunityandfeelevenmoredefeated.
Remember,yourspouseandchildrenwillbedealingwiththeirownanxietyaboutyourjoblossandmaynotbeabletoofferyouthekindofsupportyouneed.Youshouldalsoavoidturningtopeoplewhoaddtoyourstresslevelorcriticizeyou.Instead,surroundyourselfwiththosewhocanmakeyoufeelhopefulandconfidentaboutthistransition.
Don』tgoitalone.Ittakescouragetoaskforhelp,andyet,helpmaybewhatyouneedmosttomoveforward.