IT was a busy time for Adam--the time between the beginning of November and
the beginning of February, and he could see little of Hetty, except on Sundays.
But a happy time, nevertheless, for it was taking him nearer and nearer to
March, when they were to be married, and all the little preparations for their
new housekeeping marked the progress towards the longed-for day. Two new rooms
had been "run up" to the old house, for his mother and Seth were to live with
them after all. Lisbeth had cried so piteously at the thought of leaving Adam
that he had gone to Hetty and asked her if, for the love of him, she would put
up with his mother's ways and consent to live with her. To his great delight,
Hetty said, "Yes; I'd as soon she lived with us as not." Hetty's mind was
oppressed at that moment with a worse difficulty than poor Lisbeth's ways; she
could not care about them. So Adam was consoled for the disappointment he had
felt when Seth had come back from his visit to Snowfield and said "it was no
use--Dinah's heart wasna turned towards marrying." For when he told his mother
that Hetty was willing they should all live together and there was no more need
of them to think of parting, she said, in a more contented tone than he had
heard her speak in since it had been settled that he was to be married, "Eh, my
lad, I'll be as still as th' ould tabby, an' ne'er want to do aught but th'
offal work, as she wonna like t' do. An' then we needna part the platters an'
things, as ha' stood on the shelf together sin' afore thee wast born."
There was only one cloud that now and then came across Adam's sunshine: Hetty
seemed unhappy sometimes. But to all his anxious, tender questions, she replied
with an assurance that she was quite contented and wished nothing different; and
the next time he saw her she was more lively than usual. It might be that she
was a little overdone with work and anxiety now, for soon after Christmas Mrs.
Poyser had taken another cold, which had brought on inflammation, and this
illness had confined her to her room all through January. Hetty had to manage
everything downstairs, and half-supply Molly's place too, while that good damsel
waited on her mistress, and she seemed to throw herself so entirely into her new
functions, working with a grave steadiness which was new in her, that Mr. Poyser
often told Adam she was wanting to show him what a good housekeeper he would
have; but he "doubted the lass was o'erdoing it--she must have a bit o' rest
when her aunt could come downstairs."
This desirable event of Mrs. Poyser's coming downstairs happened in the early
part of February, when some mild weather thawed the last patch of snow on the
Binton Hills. On one of these days, soon after her aunt came down, Hetty went to
Treddleston to buy some of the wedding things which were wanting, and which Mrs.
Poyser had scolded her for neglecting, observing that she supposed "it was
because they were not for th' outside, else she'd ha' bought 'em fast enough."
It was about ten o'clock when Hetty set off, and the slight hoar- frost that
had whitened the hedges in the early morning had disappeared as the sun mounted
the cloudless sky. Bright February days have a stronger charm of hope about them
than any other days in the year. One likes to pause in the mild rays of the sun,
and look over the gates at the patient plough-horses turning at the end of the
furrow, and think that the beautiful year is all before one. The birds seem to
feel just the same: their notes are as clear as the clear air. There are no
leaves on the trees and hedgerows, but how green all the grassy fields are! And
the dark purplish brown of the ploughed earth and of the bare branches is
beautiful too. What a glad world this looks like, as one drives or rides along
the valleys and over the hills! I have often thought so when, in foreign
countries, where the fields and woods have looked to me like our English
Loamshire--the rich land tilled with just as much care, the woods rolling down
the gentle slopes to the green meadows--I have come on sormething by the
roadside which has reminded me that I am not in Loamshire: an image of a great
agony--the agony of the Cross. It has stood perhaps by the clustering
apple-blossoms, or in the broad sunshine by the cornfield, or at a turning by
the wood where a clear brook was gurgling below; and surely, if there came a
traveller to this world who knew nothing of the story of man's life upon it,
this image of agony would seem to him strangely out of place in the midst of
this joyous nature. He would not know that hidden behind the apple-blossoms, or
among the golden corn, or under the shrouding boughs of the wood, there might be
a human heart beating heavily with anguish--perhaps a young blooming girl, not
knowing where to turn for refuge from swift-advancing shame, understanding no
more of this life of ours than a foolish lost lamb wandering farther and farther
in the nightfall on the lonely heath, yet tasting the bitterest of life's
bitterness.
Such things are sometimes hidden among the sunny fields and behind the
blossoming orchards; and the sound of the gurgling brook, if you came close to
one spot behind a small bush, would be mingled for your ear with a despairing
human sob. No wonder man's religion has much sorrow in it: no wonder he needs a
suffering God.
Hetty, in her red cloak and warm bonnet, with her basket in her hand, is
turning towards a gate by the side of the Treddleston road, but not that she may
have a more lingering enjoyment of the sunshine and think with hope of the long
unfolding year. She hardly knows that the sun is shining; and for weeks, now,
when she has hoped at all, it has been for something at which she herself
trembles and shudders. She only wants to be out of the high-road, that she may
walk slowly and not care how her face looks, as she dwells on wretched thoughts;
and through this gate she can get into a field-path behind the wide thick
hedgerows. Her great dark eyes wander blankly over the fields like the eyes of
one who is desolate, homeless, unloved, not the promised bride of a brave tender
man. But there are no tears in them: her tears were all wept away in the weary
night, before she went to sleep. At the next stile the pathway branches off:
there are two roads before her--one along by the hedgerow, which will by and by
lead her into the road again, the other across the fields, which will take her
much farther out of the way into the Scantlands, low shrouded pastures where she
will see nobody. She chooses this and begins to walk a little faster, as if she
had suddenly thought of an object towards which it was worth while to hasten.
Soon she is in the Scantlands, where the grassy land slopes gradually downwards,
and she leaves the level ground to follow the slope. Farther on there is a clump
of trees on the low ground, and she is making her way towards it. No, it is not
a clump of trees, but a dark shrouded pool, so full with the wintry rains that
the under boughs of the elder-bushes lie low beneath the water. She sits down on
the grassy bank, against the stooping stem of the great oak that hangs over the
dark pool. She has thought of this pool often in the nights of the month that
has just gone by, and now at last she is come to see it. She clasps her hands
round her knees, and leans forward, and looks earnestly at it, as if trying to
guess what sort of bed it would make for her young round limbs.
No, she has not courage to jump into that cold watery bed, and if she had,
they might find her--they might find out why she had drowned herself. There is
but one thing left to her: she must go away, go where they can't find her.
After the first on-coming of her great dread, some weeks after her betrothal
to Adam, she had waited and waited, in the blind vague
hope that something would happen to set her free from her terror; but she
could wait no longer. All the force of her nature had been concentrated on the
one effort of concealment, and she had shrunk with irresistible dread from every
course that could tend towards a betrayal of her miserable secret. Whenever the
thought of writing to Arthur had occurred to her, she had rejected it. He could
do nothing for her that would shelter her from discovery and scorn among the
relatives and neighbours who once more made all her world, now her airy dream
had vanished. Her imagination no longer saw happiness with Arthur, for he could
do nothing that would satisfy or soothe her pride. No, something else would
happen--something must happen--to set her free from this dread. In young,
childish, ignorant souls there is constantly this blind trust in some unshapen
chance: it is as hard to a boy or girl to believe that a great wretchedness will
actually befall them as to believe that they will die.
But now necessity was pressing hard upon her--now the time of her marriage
was close at hand--she could no longer rest in this blind trust. She must run
away; she must hide herself where no familiar eyes could detect her; and then
the terror of wandering out into the world, of which she knew nothing, made the
possibility of going to Arthur a thought which brought some comfort with it. She
felt so helpless now, so unable to fashion the future for herself, that the
prospect of throwing herself on him had a relief in it which was stronger than
her pride. As she sat by the pool and shuddered at the dark cold water, the hope
that he would receive her tenderly--that he would care for her and think for
her--was like a sense of lulling warmth, that made her for the moment
indifferent to everything else; and she began now to think of nothing but the
scheme by which she should get away.
She had had a letter from Dinah lately, full of kind words about the coming
marriage, which she had heard of from Seth; and when Hetty had read this letter
aloud to her uncle, he had said, "I wish Dinah 'ud come again now, for she'd be
a comfort to your aunt when you're gone. What do you think, my wench, o' going
to see her as soon as you can be spared and persuading her to come back wi' you?
You might happen persuade her wi' telling her as her aunt wants her, for all she
writes o' not being able to come." Hetty had not liked the thought of going to
Snowfield, and felt no longing to see Dinah, so she only said, "It's so far off,
Uncle." But now she thought this proposed visit would serve as a pretext for
going away. She would tell her aunt when she got home again that she should like
the change of going to Snowfield for a week or ten days. And then, when she got
to Stoniton, where nobody knew her, she would ask for the coach that would take
her on the way to Windsor. Arthur was at Windsor, and she would go to him.
As soon as Hetty had determined on this scheme, she rose from the grassy bank
of the pool, took up her basket, and went on her way to Treddleston, for she
must buy the wedding things she had come out for, though she would never want
them. She must be careful not to raise any suspicion that she was going to run
away.
Mrs. Poyser was quite agreeably surprised that Hetty wished to go and see
Dinah and try to bring her back to stay over the wedding. The sooner she went
the better, since the weather was pleasant now; and Adam, when he came in the
evening, said, if Hetty could set off to-morrow, he would make time to go with
her to Treddleston and see her safe into the Stoniton coach.
"I wish I could go with you and take care of you, Hetty," he said, the next
morning, leaning in at the coach door; "but you won't stay much beyond a
week--the time 'ull seem long."
He was looking at her fondly, and his strong hand beld hers in its grasp.
Hetty felt a sense of protection in his presence--she was used to it now: if she
could have had the past undone and known no other love than her quiet liking for
Adam! The tears rose as she gave him the last look.
"God bless her for loving me," said Adam, as he went on his way to work
again, with Gyp at his heels.
But Hetty's tears were not for Adam--not for the anguish that would come upon
him when he found she was gone from him for ever. They were for the misery of
her own lot, which took her away from this brave tender man who offered up his
whole life to her, and threw her, a poor helpless suppliant, on the man who
would think it a misfortune that she was obliged to cling to him.
At three o'clock that day, when Hetty was on the coach that was to take her,
they said, to Leicester--part of the long, long way to Windsor--she felt dimly
that she might be travelling all this
weary journey towards the beginning of new misery.
Yet Arthur was at Windsor; he would surely not be angry with her. If he did
not mind about her as he used to do, he had promised to be good to her.
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