OpentheWindowofYourMind
愛能歷久常新。華發或會失去原有的光彩。雙頰或會日顯消瘦黯淡。然而,有愛的心中,從無寒冬霜冰,只有夏之溫熱。大多數人需要聽到那「三個小字」——我愛你。
WordsFromtheHeart說出心裡話
Mostpeopleneedtohearthose「threelittlewords」—Iloveyou.Onceinawhile,theyhearthemjustintime.
ImetConniethedayshewasadmittedtothehospice1ward,whereIworkedasavolunteer.Herhusband,Bill,stoodnervouslynearbyasshewastransferredfromthegurneytothehospitalbed.AlthoughConniewasinthefinalstagesofherfightagainstcancer,shewasalertandcheerful.Wegothersettledin.Ifinishedmarkinghernameonallthehospitalsuppliesshewouldbeusing,andthenaskedifsheneededanything.
「Oh,yes,」shesaid,「wouldyoupleaseshowmehowtousetheTV?IenjoythesoapssomuchandIdon』twanttogetbehindonwhat』shappening.」Conniewasaromantic.Shelovedsoapoperas,romanticcenovelsandmovieswithagoodlovestory.Aswebecameacquainted,sheconfidedhowfrustratingitwastobemarried32yearstoamanwhooftencalledher「asillywoman.」
「Oh,IknowBilllovesme,」shesaid,「buthehasneverbeenonetosayhelovesme,orsendcardstome.」Shesighedandlookedoutthewindowatthetreesinthecourtyard.」I』dgiveanythingifhe』dsay『Iloveyou,』butit』sjustnotinhisnature.」
BillvisitedConnieeveryday.Inthebeginning,hesatnexttothebedwhileshewatchedthesoaps.Later,whenshebegansleepingmore,hepacedupanddownthehallwayoutsideherroom.Soon,whenshenolongerwatchedtelevisionandhadfewerwakingmoments,IbeganspendingmoreofmyvolunteertimewithBill.
Hetalkedabouthavingworkedasacarpenterandhowhelikedtogofishing.HeandConniehadnochildren,butthey』dbeenenjoyingretirementbytraveling,untilConniegotsick.Billcouldnotexpresshisfeelingsaboutthefactthathiswifewasdying.
Oneday,overcoffeeinthecafeteria,Igothimonthesubjectofwomenandhowweneedromanceinourlives;howwelovetogetsentimental1cardsandloveletters.
「DoyoutellConnieyouloveher?」Iasked(knowinghisanswer),andhelookedatmeasifIwascrazy.
「Idon』thaveto,」hesaid.「SheknowsIdo!」
「I』msuresheknows,」Isaid,reachingoverandtouchinghishands?rough,carpenter』shandsthatweregrippingthecupasifitweretheonlythinghehadtohangonto」butsheneedstohearit,Bill.Sheneedstohearwhatshehasmeanttoyoualltheseyears.Pleasethinkaboutit.」
WewalkedbacktoConnie』sroom.Billdisappearedinside,andIlefttovisitanotherpatient.Later,IsawBillsittingbythebed.HewasholdingConnie』shandassheslept.ThedatewasFebruary12.
TwodayslaterIwalkeddownthehospicewardatnoon.TherestoodBill,leaningupagainstthewallinthehallway,staringatthefloor.IalreadyknewfromtheheadnursethatConniehaddiedat11A.M.
WhenBillsawme,heallowedhimselftocomeintomyarmsforalongtime.Hisfacewaswetwithtearsandhewastrembling.Finally,heleanedbackagainstthewallandtookadeepbreath.
「Ihavetosaysomething,」hesaid.「IhavetosayhowgoodIfeelabouttellingher.」Hestoppedtoblowhisnose.「Ithoughtalotaboutwhatyousaid,andthismorningItoldherhowmuchIlovedherandlovedbeingmarriedtoher.Youshouldhaveseenhersmile!」
IwentintotheroomtosaymyowngoodbyetoConnie.There,onthebedsidetable,wasalargeValentinecardfromBill.Youknowthesentimentalkindthatsays,「TomywonderfulwifeIloveyou.」
大多數人需要聽到那「三個小字」——我愛你。有時他們就會在最需要的時候聽到。
我在康尼住進收容所病房的那天見到了她。我在那兒當義工。把她從輪床抬上病床時,她的丈夫比爾焦慮不安地站在旁邊。雖然康尼處於和癌症搏鬥的晚期,但她仍然神智清醒,精神愉快。我們把她安頓好。我在醫院提供給她使用的所有用品上標上她的名字,然後問她是否需要什麼。
「啊,是的,」她說,「請告訴我怎麼用電視好嗎?我非常喜歡肥皂劇,想隨時跟上進展情況。」康尼是個浪漫的人。她酷愛肥皂劇、浪漫小說和講述美好愛情故事的電影。隨著我們越來越熟,她向我吐露說,跟一個經常叫她「傻女人」的男人生活了32年有多麼沮喪。
「唉,我知道比爾愛我,」她說道,「可是他從來不說他愛我,也不給我寄賀卡。」她歎了口氣,朝窗外庭院裡的樹望去。」如果他說聲『我愛你』,我願意付出一切,可這根本不是他的性格。」
比爾每天都來探望康尼。一開始,康尼看肥皂劇,他就坐在床旁。後來,她睡的時候多了,比爾就在屋外走廊裡踱來踱去。不久,康尼不再看電視了,醒的時候也少了,我開始花更多的義工時間和比爾在一起。
他談到他一直是個木工,他多麼喜歡釣魚。他和康尼沒有孩子,但他們四處旅遊,享受著退休生活,直到康尼得病。對他妻子病危這一事實,比爾無法表達他的感受。
在自助餐廳喝咖啡時,我設法和比爾談起女人這個話題,談到生活中我們多麼需要浪漫,多想收到充滿柔情蜜意的卡片和情書。
「你跟康尼說你愛她嗎?」我明知故問。他瞧著我,就好像我有神經病。
「我沒有必要說,」他說道,「她知道我愛她!」
「我肯定她知道,」我說。我伸出手,觸摸著他那雙木工粗糙的手。這雙手緊握著杯子,似乎它是他需要依附的惟一東西——「可是她需要聽到它,比爾。她需要聽到所有這些年來她對你意味什麼。請你考慮考慮。」
我們走回康尼的房間。比爾進了屋,我走開去看望另一個病人。後來,我看見比爾坐在床邊。康尼入睡了,他握著她的一隻手。那天是2月12日。
兩天後的中午時分,我順著臨終安養院病房過道向前走著。比爾站在那裡,靠著牆,凝視著地面。護士長已經告訴我,康尼在上午11點故去了。
比爾看見我後,讓我擁抱了他許久。他滿臉淚水,渾身顫抖。最後,他向後靠在牆上,深深地吸了一口氣。
「我有話非說不可,」他說道,「我得說,對她說出來,感覺真是好極了。」他停下來擤鼻子。」你說的話我想了很多,今天早上我對她說我多麼愛她……我多麼珍惜和她結為夫妻。你真該看看她的笑容!」
我走進康尼的房間,親自去和她告別。我看見,床頭桌上放著一張比爾給她的太太的情人節賀卡——就是那種充滿柔情蜜意的賀卡,上面寫著:」給我出色的妻子……我愛你。」
HelpYouHoldtheHappiness為你開啟幸福之門
Iamfascinatedbyacademicstudiesofhumanhappiness,becausetheybringscientificrigortoissuesweallgrapplewith.WethinkmoremoneywillmakeushappierandyetstudiessuggestAmericansarenomoresatisfiedthantheywerethreedecadesago,whenthestandardoflivingwasmuchlower.
Soifwinningthelotterywon』tdothetrick,whatwill?Herearesevenkeylessonsfromhappinessresearch.Itisindeedpossibletoboostourhappiness——butit'lltakemorethanafatwallet.
Whatmattersiswhatwefocuson
Thosewithhigherincomesaren』tnecessarilyhappier.Butwhenaskedhowsatisfiedtheyarewiththeirlives,highearnersaremorelikelytosaythey』rehappy.