當幸福來敲門 第16章 美之感悟
    FeelingBeautiful

    Asachild,IfeltIwasanuglyduckling.Youknow,thekidnoonewouldplaywith.Whowasconsideredodd.Tooskinny.Didnothingathletic.MyfewfriendsandIconstitutedtheoutcastsatmygradeschool.

    Later,asIbegantodevelopafigureandasmile,IstillnevercouldshakethefeelingthatIwassubstandard.Whentheprettiergirlgottheguy,Ifiguredthatwasonlyfair—shedeservedtobehappy.Ididn』t.

    Whenaguydidgivemesomeattention,Ifiguredhewasdoingmeafavor,soIreciprocatedobsessivelyuntilhegottiredofme.EvenwhenIlookedinthemirrorandsawsomethingpleasantlookingbackatme,Ifigureditwasafluke.

    Yearspassed,andIwentthroughsomebadrelationships,up-and-downweightloss,extremeself-hatred.ThentherecameatimewhenIwaslivinginLosAngeles,thelandof「everyonelooksperfect」.Inmyowncontrariantway,Idecidedtodifferentiatemyself.

    Istoppedcoloringmyhairandletallthegrayshow.Istoppedwearingmakeup.IstoppedwearingclothesthatIthoughtwouldmakemelookattractivetomen.Foraboutthreeyears,IstrippedawayallthedisguisesI』dbeenusingandtriedtoshowonlymyself.

    AndIdiscoveredsomething.Iambeautiful.

    WhenIcouldn』trelyonmyexternalstocommunicatemybeauty,Ihadtoturntointernals.Ithinkofinternalsasspiritualqualities.Thesequalitiesarelinkedtoqualitiessuchaslove,patience,caring,listening,fun-loving,joy,creativity,peace.Sincethesearespiritualqualities,eachoneofushasaccesstothemwhereverandwhoeverweare.

    Andwhatwasfuntorealizeisthatnoonehasanymoreorlessofthesequalities.Ihadbeenthinkingofmyselfasnothavingenoughbeauty,asbeingdeprivedsomehow.ButwhenIbegantoexpressthosespiritualqualities,beautybecamenaturalandeffortless.Idon』tthinkyoucanhelpbeingbeautifulwhenyou』rebeinglovingorwhenyou』reatpeace,whenyou』rehavingfunorexpressingcreativity.

    Icouldseethenthatworryingaboutmyappearanceandhowitratedcomparedtothatofotherswasaformofself-obsession.Expressingspiritualqualitieswasselfless,becauseit』saboutexpressingSoul.

    IknewIwasmakingprogresswhenoneday,whileIwasreadinginaparkoverlookingtheocean,amanapproachedmeandjustappreciatedhowatpeaceandprettyIlooked.Ireallyfeltlikeoneofthe「beautifulpeople」inmyownway.

    Thesedays,relocatedtoNewEngland,I』mbacktocoloringmyhairandwearingmakeup.Butthat』snotwhatmakesmefeelbeautiful.Thesmileonsomeoneelse』sfaceshiningbackatmegivesmetheglowofbeauty,andIfeelblessed.

    Youarebeautiful,too.Soareallthepeoplearoundyou.Whenyouseespiritually,theworldbecomesaplaceofbeauty.

    兒時,我總覺得自己是只醜小鴨。其他小孩都不喜歡和我玩,他們覺得我性格怪僻,瘦骨嶙峋,又不愛運動。我和僅有的幾個朋友都是被遺棄的對象。

    後來,當我越長越漂亮後,便時常笑容滿面,但仍擺脫不了自卑的陰影。我認為,一個稍微有些標緻的女孩有男朋友是很自然的事——她應該享受幸福。而這種幸福並不屬於我。

    每每有男生注意我時,我總覺得他是出於對我的同情,因此對他敷衍搪塞,直到他討厭我為止。即使在照鏡子時發現自己長得還可以,我也會把這當做純粹的偶然。

    之後的數年,我幾經感情的失敗,反覆地減肥,甚至極端仇視自己。接著,我開始在洛杉磯生活,這是一個「人人完美」的地方。逆向思維驅動著我下決心改變自己。

    我不再染髮,讓灰白頭髮全露出來。也不再化妝,不穿吸引男性目光的衣服。三年中,我蛻掉了所有的偽飾,盡力展現真我。

    此時,我發現自己很漂亮。

    不能憑借外表來傳達美麗時,我就重視內在美。我認為,內在美是精神品質。這些品質與愛心、耐心、體貼、傾聽、貪玩、快樂、創造力以及平和等品性息息相關。這些精神品質,人人都可具備,不管你是誰,也不管你身在何方。

    認識到這些品質對每個人都一視同仁是很有趣的。我曾認為自己不夠漂亮,感覺被剝奪了一般。但當我開始表現出這些品質時,我發現美是天然去雕飾的。當某人滿懷愛心或心態平和,或於玩樂中盡顯創造力時,美便自然流露出來。

    我這才發現,和他人比外表之美及其美麗指數,是一種自戀。而展現精神品質是無私的,因為那是靈魂的展示。

    我知道自己正在逐漸進步。有一天,當我在公園讀書,俯瞰大海時,一位男士走到我身旁,欣賞我的寧靜之美。我真切地覺得自己在以特有的方式向「美麗的白天鵝」轉變。

    這些日子,我又移居新英格蘭,重新染髮化起妝來。但使我光彩照人的不是這些,而是路人投來的微笑,讓我陶醉其中。

    你也很美。你周圍的人都很美。當你用心觀察這個世界時,它便是美麗的家園。

    1.Later,Ibegantodevelopafigureanda,IstillnevercouldshakethefeelingthatIwassubstandard.theprettiergirlgottheguy,Ifiguredthatwasonlyfair—shedeservedtobe.Ididn』t.

    2.Icouldseethenworryingaboutmyappearanceandhowitratedcomparedtothatofotherswasaofself-obsession.Expressingspiritualqualitieswasselfless,it』saboutexpressingSoul.

    3.Youarebeautiful,.Soareallthepeopleyou.Whenyouseespiritually,theworldbecomesaplaceof.

    1.不能憑借外表來傳達美麗時,我就重視內在美。

    2.當某人滿懷愛心或心態平和,或於玩樂中盡顯創造力時,美便自然流露出來。

    3.當你用心觀察這個世界時,它便是美麗的家園。

    1soIreciprocatedobsessivelyuntilhegottiredofme.

    gettiredof:對……感到厭倦

    2.WhenIcouldn』trelyonmyexternalstocommunicatemybeauty,Ihadtoturntointernals.

    relyon:依靠;依賴
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