WarmintheLife
茹涅·吉爾/JunieGirl
Itwaswellaftermid-night,wrappedinmywarmf?leecyrobe.Istoodsilentlystaringouttheninthf?loorwindowofthedauntingNewYorkhospital.Iwasstaringatthe59thStreetBridge.ItwasassparklingandbeautifulasaChristmastree.NewYorkcityhasalwaysbeenspecialtome;theBroadwaytheatre,themusic,therestaurants—fromthedeli』stotheTavern-on-the-Green.「Thisiswhatthecityissupposedtobeabout,」Ithought,dreadingthemorningtocomeandalltheuncertaintyitheld.Butthemorningdidcomeandatninea.m.onthatMarch17th,Iwaswheeledintoanoperatingroom.Elevenhoursandforty-f?iveminuteslaterIwaswheeledintoarecoveryroom,andaveryfewhoursafterbeingreturnedtomyownhospitalroom,Ifoundmyselfactuallyonmyfeet,halfwalking,halfpropelledbymedicalequipmentandmembersofmyfamily.Theordersweretowalkthelengthandbackofthelonghospitalcorridor.
ItwasthenthatIf?irstsawhim.Isawhimthroughahazeofdrugs,painandthedreamyunrealitythatthiscouldbehappeningtome.Hewasstandinginthedoorwayofahospitalroom.Inmytwilight,unfocusedstateIsawhimalmostasaspiritshaperatherthanafullblownperson.Yetthebodylanguageofthisshapewassomehowsendingoutsympathyandencouragementtome.
Thisbecamemydailyroutineforthenextthreeweeks.AsIgainedalittlemorestrengththemanwouldbestandinginthedoorway,smilingandnoddingasIwouldpasswithoneormoremembersofmyfamily.OnthefourthweekIwasallowedtosoloupthecorridor.AsIpassedhisroom,therewasmyfaithfulfriendinthedoorway.Hewasaslenderdarkcomplexionedman.Istoppedaminutetochat.Heintroducedmetohiswife,andhissonwhowaslyinglistlesslyinahospitalbed.ThenextdayasImademyscheduledwalk,hecameoutandwalkedwithmetomyroom.HeexplainedthatheandhiswifehadbroughttheirteenagesontothishospitalofhopefromIran.Theywerestillhoping,butthingswerenotgoingwell.HetoldmeofhowIhadencouragedhimonthatf?irstdreadfulnight』swalkingtourandhowhewasrootingforme.Forthreemoreweekswecontinuedourconversations—eachgivingtheotherthegiftofcaringandfriendship.HetoldmeofhowheenjoyedseeingmyfamilyastheyralliedaroundmeandIwassaddenedbythelonelinessofthatsmallfamilysofarfromhome.
Miraculously,theredidcomeadaywhenthedoctortoldmeIwouldbedischargedthefollowingmorning.ThatnightItoldmyfriend.Thenextmorninghecametomyroom.Ihadbeenupanddressedsincedawn.MybrightyellowdressgavemehopeandIalmostlookedhuman.Wetalkedabit.ItoldhimIwouldprayforhisson.Hethankedmebutshruggedhisshoulders,indicatingthehopelessness.Weknewwewouldneverseeeachotheragain,inthisworld.Thismaninhissorrowwassohappyforme.Ifelthislove.Hetookmyhandandsaid,「Youaremysister.」Iansweredbackandsaid,「Youaremybrother.」Heturnedandlefttheroom.
Myfamilycametoretrieveme.Doctorsandnurses,tosaytheirgoodbyesandgiveorders.Allbusinesshadbeentakencareof.AftersevenandahalfweeksIwasleavingthehospitalroomIhadwalkedintowithsomuchtrepidation.
AsIturnedtowalkdownthecorridortotheelevator,mybrotherstoodinthedoorway,smiling,noddingandgivinghisblessing.