LettertoHisSon
F.D.斯坦厄普/F.D.Stanhope
Dearboy,
Theartofpleasingisaverynecessaryonetopossess,butaverydifficultonetoacquire.Itcanhardlybereducedtorules;andyourowngoodsenseandobservationwillteachyoumoreofitthanIcan.「Doasyouwouldbedoneby,」isthesurestmethodthatIknowofpleasing.Observecarefullywhatpleasesyouinothers,andprobablythesamethingsinyouwillpleaseothers.Ifyouarepleasedwiththecomplaisanceandattentionofotherstoyourhumors,yourtastes,oryourweaknesses,dependuponit,thesamecomplaisanceandattentiononyourparttotheirswillequallypleasethem.Takethetoneofthecompanythatyouarein,anddonotpretendtogiveit;beserious,gay,oreventrifling,asyoufindthepresenthumorofthecompany;thisisanattentionduefromeveryindividualtothemajority.Donottellstoriesincompany;thereisnothingmoretediousanddisagreeable;ifbychanceyouknowaveryshortstory,andexceedinglyapplicabletothepresentsubjectofconversation,tellitinasfewwordsaspossible;andeventhen,throwoutthatyoudonotlovetotellstories,butthattheshortnessofittemptedyou.
Ofallthingsbanishtheegotismoutofyourconversation,andneverthinkofentertainingpeoplewithyourownpersonalconcernsorprivateaffairs;thoughtheyareinterestingtoyou,theyaretediousandimpertinenttoeverybodyelse;besidesthat,onecannotkeepone』sownprivateaffairstoosecret.Whateveryouthinkyourownexcellenciesmaybe,donotaffectedlydisplaythemincompany;norlabor,asmanypeopledo,togivethatturntotheconversation,whichmaysupplyyouwithanopportunityofexhibitingthem.Iftheyarereal,theywillinfalliblybediscovered,withoutyourpointingthemoutyourself,andwithmuchmoreadvantage.Nevermaintainanargumentwithheatandclamor,thoughyouthinkorknowyourselftobeintheright;butgiveyouropinionmodestlyandcoolly,whichistheonlywaytoconvince;and,ifthatdoesnotdo,trytochangetheconversation,bysaying,withgoodhumor,「Weshallhardlyconvinceoneanother;norisitnecessarythatweshould,soletustalkofsomethingelse.」