ThePowerofBelief
佚名/Anonymous
「Youwillneverwalkagain.Youwillhavetouseawheelchair.」Unpreparedforthedoctor』sgrimprognosis,Iheardhiswordsfallheavilyonmyears,numbingmysoul.IfIhadneverfelthopelessbefore,Ifelthopelessthen.
Mycatastrophiccaraccidenthadleftmeunconsciousandincriticalcondition.Iawakenedtofindbothlegsswathedincasts,theleftoneintractiontoaidthehealingofabrokenhipandpelvis.WhileIhadotherseriousinjuries,mylegsweremyprimeconcern.Workingasaspecial-needsteacherand「onthego」bynature,Icouldn』timaginebeingconfined,letaloneaninvalid.
Lyinginmybedmotionlessandrelyingonprayer,IwonderedhowIcouldgivemyten-year-oldsonhopethatMomwouldheal.He』dbeencheerfuloneveryvisit,butIsawthefearinhiseyes.Lookingforwardtohavingatotallyhandicappedmotherandtheimplicationsofthatwereweighingheavilyonhislittleshoulders.HeneededtherayofhopethatIwouldnotbeinawheelchairforever.
Justmaybe,Ithought,Icouldusethisexperiencetoteachwhattodowhenadversitystrikes.ButIwasn』tjustbeingaltruistic.IneededsomethingbesidesmyphysicalhealingtosinkmyIrishstubbornnessinto—it』sthattraitthatkeptmegoingthroughthetoughestchallengeofmylife.
Itdidn』ttakemelongtobecomeimpatientwithmylimitedmobilityandevenwiththepacethetherapistswerewillingtogowithme.Ivowedtolearneverythingtheyshowedme.Attemptingtomoveonmyownatnightafterthenurses』lastrounds,I』msureIbrokeeveryhospitalrule.Ineededtomakethingshappenmyway.Andbeingconfinedtoawheelchairtherestofmylifedidn』tfitintomyplans.
Atfirst,Itaughtmyselftomovefromthebedtothewheelchair.Imadetinymovementsforweeks,afraidoffalling,butmoreafraidtojustlieinbed.Ireachedapointwheremyarmswerestrongenoughtoswingmeintothechair.Gettingoutofthechairandbackintobedprovedmoredifficult,butIsoondevelopedamethodofgrabbingthesheetswithonehandandthetractionbarwiththeother.Iwouldn』twinanygymnasticscompetitions,butitworked.Ioftenwonderedwhatthenursesandtherapistswouldhavedoneifthey』dseenmestrugglingonmyown.
OncesureIcouldreturnmyselftothebedfromthewheelchair,Ibegantotackleawalkerthathadbeenleftinmyroombyaformerhospitalroommate.Ifthenursesnoticedthatthewheelchairandwalkerwerenotwheretheyhadleftthem,theyweren』tsayinganything.Iwonderedifaconspiracyofsilencehaddeveloped:Iwouldn』tsayanythingaboutmysecrettherapysessions,andtheykeptquietaswell.