ThePowerofSmile
戴爾·卡耐基/DaleCarnegie
Youmusthaveagoodtimemeetingpeopleifyouexpectthemtohaveagoodtimemeetingyou.
Ihaveaskedthousandsofbusinesspeopletosmileatsomeoneeveryhourofthedayforaweekandthencometoclassandtalkabouttheresults.Howdiditwork?Let』sseeHereisaletterfromWilliamB.Steinhardt,aNewYorkstockbroker.Hiscaseisn』tisolated.Infact,itistypicalofhundredsofcases.
「Ihavebeenmarriedforovereighteenyears,」wroteMr.Steinhardt,「andinallthattimeIseldomsmiledatmywifeorspoketwodozenwordstoherfromthetimeIgotupuntilIwasreadytoleaveforbusiness.IwasoneoftheworstgroucheswhoeverwalkeddownBroad-way.
「Whenyouaskedmetomakeatalkaboutmyexperiencewithsmiles,IthoughtIwouldtryitforaweek.Sothenextmorning,whilecombingmyhair,Ilookedatmyglummuginthemirrorandsaidtomyself,『Bill,youaregoingtowipethescowloffthatsourpussofyourstoday.Youaregoingtosmile.Andyouaregoingtobeginrightnow.』AsIsatdowntobreakfast,Igreetedmywifewitha『Goodmorning,mydear,』andsmiledasIsaidit.
「Youwarnedmethatshemightbesurprised.Well,youunderestimatedherreaction.Shewasbewildered.Shewasshocked.Itoldherthatinthefutureshecouldexpectthisasaregularoccurrence,andIkeptitupeverymorning.
「ThischangedattitudeofminebroughtmorehappinessintoourhomeinthetwomonthssinceIstartedthantherewasduringthelastyear.
「AsIleaveformyoffice,Igreettheelevatoroperatorintheapartmenthousewitha『Goodmorning』andasmile;Igreetthedoormanwithasmile.IsmileatthecashierinthesubwayboothwhenIaskforchange.AsIstandontheflooroftheStockExchange,Ismileatpeoplewhountilrecentlyneversawmesmile.
「Isoonfoundthateverybodywassmilingbackatme,Itreatthosewhocometomewithcomplaintsorgrievancesinacheerfulmanner,IsmileasIlistentothemandIfindthatadjustmentsareaccomplishedmucheasier.Ifindthatsmilesarebringingmedollars,manydollarseveryday.
「Isharemyofficewithanotherbroker.Oneofhisclerksisalikableyoungchap,andIwassoelatedabouttheresultsIwasgettingthatItoldhimrecentlyaboutmynewphilosophyofhumanrelations.HethenconfessedthatwhenIfirstcametosharemyofficewithhisfirmhethoughtmeaterriblegrouch—andonlyrecentlychangedhismind.HesaidIwasreallyhumanwhenIsmiled.
「Ihavealsoeliminatedcriticismfrommysystem.Igiveappreciationandpraisenowinsteadofcondemnation.IhavestoppedtalkingaboutwhatIwant.Iamnowtryingtoseetheotherperson』sviewpoint.Andthesethingshaveliterallyrevolutionizedmylife.Iamatotallydifferentman,ahappierman,aricherman,richerinfriendshipsandhappiness—theonlythingsthatmattermuchafterall.」
Youdon』tfeellikesmiling?Thenwhat?Twothings.First,forceyourselftosmile.Ifyouarealone,forceyourselftowhistleorhumatuneorsing.Actasifyouwerealreadyhappy,andthatwilltendtomakeyouhappy.HereisthewaythepsychologistandphilosopherWilliamJamesputit:
Actionseemstofollowfeeling,butreallyactionandfeelinggotogether;andbyregulatingtheaction,whichisunderthemoredirectcontrolofthewill,wecanindirectlyregulatethefeeling,whichisnot.
Thusthesovereignvoluntarypathtocheerfulness,ifourcheerfulnessbelost,istositupcheerfullyandtoactandspeakasifcheerfulnesswerealreadythere
Everybodyintheworldisseekinghappiness—andthereisonesurewaytofindit.Thatisbycontrollingyourthoughts.Happinessdoesn』tdependonoutwardconditions.Itdependsoninnerconditions.
Itisn』twhatyouhaveorwhoyouareorwhereyouareorwhatyouaredoingthatmakesyouhappyorunhappy.Itiswhatyouthinkaboutit.Forexample,twopeoplemaybeinthesameplace,doingthesamething;bothmayhaveaboutanequalamountofmoneyandprestige—andyetonemaybemiserableandtheotherhappy.Why?Becauseofadifferentmentalattitude.IhaveseenjustasmanyhappyfacesamongthepoorpeasantstoilingwiththeirprimitivetoolsinthedevastatingheatofthetropicsasIhaveseeninair-conditionedofficesinNewYork,ChicagoorLosAngeles.
「Thereisnothingeithergoodorbad,」saidShakespeare,「butthinkingmakesitso.」
AbeLincolnonceremarkedthat「mostfolksareaboutashappyastheymakeuptheirmindstobe」.Hewasright.
Wheneveryougoout-of-doors,drawthechinin,carrythecrownoftheheadhigh,andfillthelungstotheutmost;drinkinthesunshine;greetyourfriendswithasmile,andputsoulintoeveryhandclasp.Donotfearbeingmisunderstoodanddonotwasteaminutethinkingaboutyourenemies.