RepresentYourselfProfessionally
?佚名/Anonymous
Irritatingspeechhabitsdestroyourprofessionalcredibility.Examplesofirritatingspeechhabitsaresentencesthatendwithdanglingprepositions(Wheredidyouhangyourcoatat?)andconversationspepperedwith「ums」「uhs」「like」andotherspace-fillernoises.We』llbefocusinghereonanotherspeechhabitthatsendsasubtlemessagetolistenersthatit』sokaytoabdicateresponsibility.
Howcanamerespeechhabitkeepusfromreflectingprofessionalismwhilecausingustoabdicateresponsibility?Letmedemonstratebyexample.InseminarsIconductaroundthecountry,Ioftenaskaquestionofmyclients:Whatphysicalmanifestationsdoyoupersonallyexperiencewhenyoufindyourselfinatensesituation?Generally,theanswertothisquestionisphrasedinthefollowingways:
「Yougetatightthroat.」
「Yourpalmsgetsweaty.」
「Yourheartstartstorace.」
Now,noticetheanswersandhowtheyarephrasedversusthewaythequestionwasasked.InthequestionIaskedforwhatyoupersonallyexperience.Butthepeopleansweringmyquestionhaveshiftedtheresponseawayfrombeingaboutthemselves(thus,abdicatingresponsibilityfortheirfeelings)bychoosingtousethepronoun「you」inplaceof「I」.Thisshiftoffocusconveysasenseofshiftingresponsibilitybecauseitindicatesarefusaltoacceptwhattheyareexperiencing.Inthissituation,therespondentsareessentiallysuggestingthattheyarespeakingformeandwhatIexperienceinthesesituationsratherthanspeakingforthemselves.
Inthesesituations,Irealizethattherespondentsarenotintentionallyordeliberatelysayingtheyarespeakingforme.Butthesubtleshiftinpronounusageshiftsthefocusawayfromthemselvesandontosomeoneelse.Andanytimeweabdicateresponsibilityforsomethingwe』reexperiencing,we』redamagingourprofessionalcredibility.Wemayunintentionallybeimplyingtoourlistenersthatwearerefusingtoacceptresponsibilityforouractionsandresponses.Youmeanacceptingorabdicatingresponsibilityisthatsubtle?Yes,thatsubtleandthatdamagingtoourcredibility.
Asprofessionals,weshouldbeinterestedinhowwerepresentourselvesineverycommunicationsituation.Aslightlapseofconsciouseffortonourparttocommunicateclearlyandresponsiblyindicatestoourpartnersincommunicationthatweareshiftingresponsibilityawayfromourselves.
Whenaskedapointedquestionsuchas,whatphysicalmanifestationsdoyoupersonallyexperiencewhenyoufindyourselfinatensesituation?Theresponsewegiveconveyswhetherwe』rewillingtoacceptresponsibilityforourbehaviorandresponses.Ifoursubordinatessensethatweareabdicatingresponsibility,theyinturnmaytakeitasacceptablebehaviorwhentheyareaskedchallengingquestions.Likewise,weneverwanttounintentionallysendamessagetooursupervisorsthatweareattemptingtoavoidresponsibility.