IForgiveYou
?佚名/Anonymous
Marriageisn』ttheonlyrelationshipthatneedsforgi-
veness.It』srequiredwithourchildren,friends,workmates,neighborsandevenstrangers.Infact,nohumanrelationshipcansurvivewithouttheoxygenofforgiveness.It』snotanoptionalnicetyforpeoplewhoareintothatkindofthing;it』sauniversalnecessityforrelationshipsandforyourownhealthandsanity.
Someofusmaythinkthatwe』vebeenhurttoodeeply,ortoooften,toforgive.Butironically,it』sthoseofuswho』vebeenmosthurtthatreallyneedtoforgive,foronesimplereason:likecancer,bitternesscandestroyitshost.Unlessit』sswiftlyrootedout,ittakesholdandgrows,cripplingandeventuallyevenkillingthosewhoinsistonclingingdeterminedlytoit.
Forthetruthisthatunlesswecanforgive,wecanneverrecover.Ourwoundswillcontinuetofesterandneverheal.AstheancientChineseproverbputsit,「Whoeverseeksrevengeshoulddigtwograves.」
Takingthefirststepforsomepeopleforgivenessfeelsimpossiblebecausetheyhavenoideahowtogoaboutit.Thefirstandmostimportantthingyouneedtoacceptisthattheactofforgivenessisnotgoingtoeasy.Infact,itwillprobablybethehardestthingmostofuseverhavetodo.
Itseemstotallyunfairthatweshouldhavetoforgivewhenwe』retheoneswhohavebeenhurt.Andthat』sthecruxofforgiveness.
Thesaying「Forgiveandforget」mayrolloffthetongue,butit』sasshallowasitisshort.Foronething,it』sdownrightimpossible.Foranother,itmissesthewholepointofforgiveness.Thethingswemostneedforgiveinlifearethethingswecan』tforget.Ratherthansweepingthemunderthecarpet,weneedtodrawalineunderthem,deliberatelychoosingnottocountthemagainstthepersonwhodidthem,andmovingon.
That』swhy,sometimes,theinitialactofforgivenessmayseemrelativelyeasy,butdealingwiththeemotionsthatfolloweverytimeyouseethatperson,orspeaktothemorjustthinkaboutthem,canbehardertodealwith.Trueforgivenessisnotaone-offact;it』saconstantemotionalconfrontation.
Andthelongeryouwaittoforgivesomeone,theharderitbecomes.Timereallydoesn』theal,itjustgivesthebitternessandresentmentlongertoeatawayatyoufrominside.Ifyouwaitforthe「righttime」,youmayneverdoit.
Aquestionyoushouldaskyourselfbeforeyoubegintotackletheartofforgivenessisthis:Howmanyofusareevercompletelyinnocentinanygivensituation?
Someyearsago,mywife,Cornelia,andIboughtapieceofcheap,flat-packed,pineveneeredfurniture.Forthefirstfewmonths,itfooledeveryoneitwassmart,functionalandimpressive,andwefeltitfittedourhomeperfectly.Butastimerolledby,theveneerslowlybegantopeelattheedges.Itdidn』tcreatethesameimpressionanymore,butatleastitwasbeinghonest!Thefactisthat,likeitornot,behindoursmartveneer,we』realljustchipboard.Sobeforewebecomeotherpeople』sjudgeandjury,we』dbewisetotakealong,hardlookatourselvesinthemirror.Andthemoreweseeourselves,wartsandall,themorewe』llwanttoandbeabletoforgiveothersfortheirflaws,andthemoreweforgive,themorewe』llknowtruecontentment.
Wouldyouratherberightorhappy?Forgivingotherscangetasatisfyingreaction.Soifyouthinkyou』rerightandcan』tfinditinyourselftoforgive,askyourselfthisquestion:Wouldyouratherberightorhappy?