'Vassal unto Love.'
Elfride clung closer to Knight as day succeeded day. Whatever else might
admit of question, there could be no dispute that the allegiance she bore him
absorbed her whole soul and existence. A greater than Stephen had arisen, and
she had left all to follow him.
The unreserved girl was never chary of letting her lover discover how much
she admired him. She never once held an idea in opposition to any one of his, or
insisted on any point with him, or showed any independence, or held her own on
any subject. His lightest whim she respected and obeyed as law, and if,
expressing her opinion on a matter, he took up the subject and differed from
her, she instantly threw down her own opinion as wrong and untenable. Even her
ambiguities and espieglerie were but media of the same manifestation; acted
charades, embodying the words of her prototype, the tender and susceptible
daughter-in-law of Naomi: 'Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that
thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine
handmaid.'
She was syringing the plants one wet day in the greenhouse. Knight was
sitting under a great passion-flower observing the scene. Sometimes he looked
out at the rain from the sky, and then at Elfride's inner rain of larger drops,
which fell from trees and shrubs, after having previously hung from the twigs
like small silver fruit.
'I must give you something to make you think of me during this autumn at your
chambers,' she was saying. 'What shall it be? Portraits do more harm than good,
by selecting the worst expression of which your face is capable. Hair is
unlucky. And you don't like jewellery.'
'Something which shall bring back to my mind the many scenes we have enacted
in this conservatory. I see what I should prize very much. That dwarf myrtle
tree in the pot, which you have been so carefully tending.'
Elfride looked thoughtfully at the myrtle.
'I can carry it comfortably in my hat box,' said Knight. 'And I will put it
in my window, and so, it being always before my eyes, I shall think of you
continually.'
It so happened that the myrtle which Knight had singled out had a peculiar
beginning and history. It had originally been a twig worn in Stephen Smith's
button-hole, and he had taken it thence, stuck it into the pot, and told her
that if it grew, she was to take care of it, and keep it in remembrance of him
when he was far away.
She looked wistfully at the plant, and a sense of fairness to Smith's memory
caused her a pang of regret that Knight should have asked for that very one. It
seemed exceeding a common heartlessness to let it go.
'Is there not anything you like better?' she said sadly. 'That is only an
ordinary myrtle.'
'No: I am fond of myrtle.' Seeing that she did not take kindly to the idea,
he said again, 'Why do you object to my having that?'
'Oh no--I don't object precisely--it was a feeling.--Ah, here's another
cutting lately struck, and just as small--of a better kind, and with prettier
leaves--myrtus microphylla.'
'That will do nicely. Let it be put in my room, that I may not forget it.
What romance attaches to the other?'
'It was a gift to me.'
The subject then dropped. Knight thought no more of the matter till, on
entering his bedroom in the evening, he found the second myrtle placed upon his
dressing-table as he had directed. He stood for a moment admiring the fresh
appearance of the leaves by candlelight, and then he thought of the transaction
of the day.
Male lovers as well as female can be spoilt by too much kindness, and
Elfride's uniform submissiveness had given Knight a rather exacting manner at
crises, attached to her as he was. 'Why should she have refused the one I first
chose?' he now asked himself. Even such slight opposition as she had shown then
was exceptional enough to make itself noticeable. He was not vexed with her in
the least: the mere variation of her way to-day from her usual ways kept him
musing on the subject, because it perplexed him. 'It was a gift'--those were her
words. Admitting it to be a gift, he thought she could hardly value a mere
friend more than she valued him as a lover, and giving the plant into his charge
would have made no difference. 'Except, indeed, it was the gift of a lover,' he
murmured.
'I wonder if Elfride has ever had a lover before?' he said aloud, as a new
idea, quite. This and companion thoughts were enough to occupy him completely
till he fell asleep--rather later than usual.
The next day, when they were again alone, he said to her rather suddenly--
'Do you love me more or less, Elfie, for what I told you on board the
steamer?'
'You told me so many things,' she returned, lifting her eyes to his and
smiling.
'I mean the confession you coaxed out of me--that I had never been in the
position of lover before.'
'It is a satisfaction, I suppose, to be the first in your heart,' she said to
him, with an attempt to continue her smiling.
'I am going to ask you a question now,' said Knight, somewhat awkwardly. 'I
only ask it in a whimsical way, you know: not with great seriousness, Elfride.
You may think it odd, perhaps.'
Elfride tried desperately to keep the colour in her face. She could not,
though distressed to think that getting pale showed consciousness of deeper
guilt than merely getting red.
'Oh no--I shall not think that,' she said, because obliged to say something
to fill the pause which followed her questioner's remark.
'It is this: have you ever had a lover? I am almost sure you have not; but,
have you?'
'Not, as it were, a lover; I mean, not worth mentioning, Harry,' she
faltered.
Knight, overstrained in sentiment as he knew the feeling to be, felt some
sickness of heart.
'Still, he was a lover?'
'Well, a sort of lover, I suppose,' she responded tardily.
'A man, I mean, you know.'
'Yes; but only a mere person, and----'
'But truly your lover?'
'Yes; a lover certainly--he was that. Yes, he might have been called my
lover.'
Knight said nothing to this for a minute or more, and kept silent time with
his finger to the tick of the old library clock, in which room the colloquy was
going on.
'You don't mind, Harry, do you?' she said anxiously, nestling close to him,
and watching his face.
'Of course, I don't seriously mind. In reason, a man cannot object to such a
trifle. I only thought you hadn't--that was all.'
However, one ray was abstracted from the glory about her head. But
afterwards, when Knight was wandering by himself over the bare and breezy hills,
and meditating on the subject, that ray suddenly returned. For she might have
had a lover, and never have cared in the least for him. She might have used the
word improperly, and meant 'admirer' all the time. Of course she had been
admired; and one man might have made his admiration more prominent than that of
the rest--a very natural case.
They were sitting on one of the garden seats when he found occasion to put
the supposition to the test. 'Did you love that lover or admirer of yours ever
so little, Elfie?'
She murmured reluctantly, 'Yes, I think I did.'
Knight felt the same faint touch of misery. 'Only a very little?' he said.
'I am not sure how much.'
'But you are sure, darling, you loved him a little?'
'I think I am sure I loved him a little.'
'And not a great deal, Elfie?'
'My love was not supported by reverence for his powers.'
'But, Elfride, did you love him deeply?' said Knight restlessly.
'I don't exactly know how deep you mean by deeply.'
'That's nonsense.'
'You misapprehend; and you have let go my hand!' she cried, her eyes filling
with tears. 'Harry, don't be severe with me, and don't question me. I did not
love him as I do you. And could it be deeply if I did not think him cleverer
than myself? For I did not. You grieve me so much--you can't think.'
'I will not say another word about it.'
'And you will not think about it, either, will you? I know you think of
weaknesses in me after I am out of your sight; and not knowing what they are, I
cannot combat them. I almost wish you were of a grosser nature, Harry; in truth
I do! Or rather, I wish I could have the advantages such a nature in you would
afford me, and yet have you as you are.'
'What advantages would they be?'
'Less anxiety, and more security. Ordinary men are not so delicate in their
tastes as you; and where the lover or husband is not fastidious, and refined,
and of a deep nature, things seem to go on better, I fancy--as far as I have
been able to observe the world.'
'Yes; I suppose it is right. Shallowness has this advantage, that you can't
be drowned there.'
'But I think I'll have you as you are; yes, I will!' she said winsomely. 'The
practical husbands and wives who take things philosophically are very humdrum,
are they not? Yes, it would kill me quite. You please me best as you are.'
'Even though I wish you had never cared for one before me?'
'Yes. And you must not wish it. Don't!'
'I'll try not to, Elfride.'
So she hoped, but her heart was troubled. If he felt so deeply on this point,
what would he say did he know all, and see it as Mrs. Jethway saw it? He would
never make her the happiest girl in the world by taking her to be his own for
aye. The thought enclosed her as a tomb whenever it presented itself to her
perturbed brain. She tried to believe that Mrs. Jethway would never do her such
a cruel wrong as to increase the bad appearance of her folly by innuendoes; and
concluded that concealment, having been begun, must be persisted in, if
possible. For what he might consider as bad as the fact, was her previous
concealment of it by strategy.
But Elfride knew Mrs. Jethway to be her enemy, and to hate her. It was
possible she would do her worst. And should she do it, all might be over.
Would the woman listen to reason, and be persuaded not to ruin one who had
never intentionally harmed her?
It was night in the valley between Endelstow Crags and the shore. The brook
which trickled that way to the sea was distinct in its murmurs now, and over the
line of its course there began to hang a white riband of fog. Against the sky,
on the left hand of the vale, the black form of the church could be seen. On the
other rose hazel-bushes, a few trees, and where these were absent, furze
tufts--as tall as men--on stems nearly as stout as timber. The shriek of some
bird was occasionally heard, as it flew terror- stricken from its first roost,
to seek a new sleeping-place, where it might pass the night unmolested.
In the evening shade, some way down the valley, and under a row of scrubby
oaks, a cottage could still be discerned. It stood absolutely alone. The house
was rather large, and the windows of some of the rooms were nailed up with
boards on the outside, which gave a particularly deserted appearance to the
whole erection. From the front door an irregular series of rough and misshapen
steps, cut in the solid rock, led down to the edge of the streamlet, which, at
their extremity, was hollowed into a basin through which the water trickled.
This was evidently the means of water supply to the dweller or dwellers in the
cottage.
A light footstep was heard descending from the higher slopes of the hillside.
Indistinct in the pathway appeared a moving female shape, who advanced and
knocked timidly at the door. No answer being returned the knock was repeated,
with the same result, and it was then repeated a third time. This also was
unsuccessful.
From one of the only two windows on the ground floor which were not boarded
up came rays of light, no shutter or curtain obscuring the room from the eyes of
a passer on the outside. So few walked that way after nightfall that any such
means to secure secrecy were probably deemed unnecessary.
The inequality of the rays falling upon the trees outside told that the light
had its origin in a flickering fire only. The visitor, after the third knocking,
stepped a little to the left in order to gain a view of the interior, and threw
back the hood from her face. The dancing yellow sheen revealed the fair and
anxious countenance of Elfride.
Inside the house this firelight was enough to illumine the room distinctly,
and to show that the furniture of the cottage was superior to what might have
been expected from so unpromising an exterior. It also showed to Elfride that
the room was empty. Beyond the light quiver and flap of the flames nothing moved
or was audible therein.
She turned the handle and entered, throwing off the cloak which enveloped
her, under which she appeared without hat or bonnet, and in the sort of
half-toilette country people ordinarily dine in. Then advancing to the foot of
the staircase she called distinctly, but somewhat fearfully, 'Mrs. Jethway!'
No answer.
With a look of relief and regret combined, denoting that ease came to the
heart and disappointment to the brain, Elfride paused for several minutes, as if
undecided how to act. Determining to wait, she sat down on a chair. The minutes
drew on, and after sitting on the thorns of impatience for half an hour, she
searched her pocket, took therefrom a letter, and tore off the blank leaf. Then
taking out a pencil she wrote upon the paper:
'DEAR MRS. JETHWAY,--I have been to visit you. I wanted much to see you, but
I cannot wait any longer. I came to beg you not to execute the threats you have
repeated to me. Do not, I beseech you, Mrs. Jethway, let any one know I ran away
from home! It would ruin me with him, and break my heart. I will do anything for
you, if you will be kind to me. In the name of our common womanhood, do not, I
implore you, make a scandal of me.--Yours, E. SWANCOURT.'
She folded the note cornerwise, directed it, and placed it on the table. Then
again drawing the hood over her curly head she emerged silently as she had come.
Whilst this episode had been in action at Mrs. Jethway's cottage, Knight had
gone from the dining-room into the drawing-room, and found Mrs. Swancourt there
alone.
'Elfride has vanished upstairs or somewhere,' she said.
'And I have been reading an article in an old number of the PRESENT that I
lighted on by chance a short time ago; it is an article you once told us was
yours. Well, Harry, with due deference to your literary powers, allow me to say
that this effusion is all nonsense, in my opinion.'
'What is it about?' said Knight, taking up the paper and reading.
'There: don't get red about it. Own that experience has taught you to be more
charitable. I have never read such unchivalrous sentiments in my life--from a
man, I mean. There, I forgive you; it was before you knew Elfride.'
'Oh yes,' said Knight, looking up. 'I remember now. The text of that sermon
was not my own at all, but was suggested to me by a young man named Smith--the
same whom I have mentioned to you as coming from this parish. I thought the idea
rather ingenious at the time, and enlarged it to the weight of a few guineas,
because I had nothing else in my head.'
'Which idea do you call the text? I am curious to know that.'
'Well, this,' said Knight, somewhat unwillingly. 'That experience teaches,
and your sweetheart, no less than your tailor, is necessarily very imperfect in
her duties, if you are her first patron: and conversely, the sweetheart who is
graceful under the initial kiss must be supposed to have had some practice in
the trade.'
'And do you mean to say that you wrote that upon the strength of another
man's remark, without having tested it by practice?'
'Yes--indeed I do.'
'Then I think it was uncalled for and unfair. And how do you know it is true?
I expect you regret it now.'
'Since you bring me into a serious mood, I will speak candidly. I do believe
that remark to be perfectly true, and, having written it, I would defend it
anywhere. But I do often regret having ever written it, as well as others of the
sort. I have grown older since, and I find such a tone of writing is calculated
to do harm in the world. Every literary Jack becomes a gentleman if he can only
pen a few indifferent satires upon womankind: women themselves, too, have taken
to the trick; and so, upon the whole, I begin to be rather ashamed of my
companions.'
'Ah, Henry, you have fallen in love since and it makes a difference,' said
Mrs. Swancourt with a faint tone of banter.
'That's true; but that is not my reason.'
'Having found that, in a case of your own experience, a so-called goose was a
swan, it seems absurd to deny such a possibility in other men's experiences.'
'You can hit palpably, cousin Charlotte,' said Knight. 'You are like the boy
who puts a stone inside his snowball, and I shall play with you no longer.
Excuse me--I am going for my evening stroll.'
Though Knight had spoken jestingly, this incident and conversation had caused
him a sudden depression. Coming, rather singularly, just after his discovery
that Elfride had known what it was to love warmly before she had known him, his
mind dwelt upon the subject, and the familiar pipe he smoked, whilst pacing up
and down the shrubbery-path, failed to be a solace. He thought again of those
idle words--hitherto quite forgotten--about the first kiss of a girl, and the
theory seemed more than reasonable. Of course their sting now lay in their
bearing on Elfride.
Elfride, under Knight's kiss, had certainly been a very different woman from
herself under Stephen's. Whether for good or for ill, she had marvellously well
learnt a betrothed lady's part; and the fascinating finish of her deportment in
this second campaign did probably arise from her unreserved encouragement of
Stephen. Knight, with all the rapidity of jealous sensitiveness, pounced upon
some words she had inadvertently let fall about an earring, which he had only
partially understood at the time. It was during that 'initial kiss' by the
little waterfall:
'We must be careful. I lost the other by doing this!'
A flush which had in it as much of wounded pride as of sorrow, passed over
Knight as he thought of what he had so frequently said to her in his simplicity.
'I always meant to be the first comer in a woman's heart, fresh lips or none for
me.' How childishly blind he must have seemed to this mere girl! How she must
have laughed at him inwardly! He absolutely writhed as he thought of the
confession she had wrung from him on the boat in the darkness of night. The one
conception which had sustained his dignity when drawn out of his shell on that
occasion--that of her charming ignorance of all such matters--how absurd it was!
This man, whose imagination had been fed up to preternatural size by lonely
study and silent observations of his kind--whose emotions had been drawn out
long and delicate by his seclusion, like plants in a cellar--was now absolutely
in pain. Moreover, several years of poetic study, and, if the truth must be
told, poetic efforts, had tended to develop the affective side of his
constitution still further, in proportion to his active faculties. It was his
belief in the absolute newness of blandishment to Elfride which had constituted
her primary charm. He began to think it was as hard to be earliest in a woman's
heart as it was to be first in the Pool of Bethesda.
That Knight should have been thus constituted: that Elfride's second lover
should not have been one of the great mass of bustling mankind, little given to
introspection, whose good-nature might have compensated for any lack of
appreciativeness, was the chance of things. That her throbbing,
self-confounding, indiscreet heart should have to defend itself unaided against
the keen scrutiny and logical power which Knight, now that his suspicions were
awakened, would sooner or later be sure to exercise against her, was her
misfortune. A miserable incongruity was apparent in the circumstance of a strong
mind practising its unerring archery upon a heart which the owner of that mind
loved better than his own.
Elfride's docile devotion to Knight was now its own enemy. Clinging to him so
dependently, she taught him in time to presume upon that devotion--a lesson men
are not slow to learn. A slight rebelliousness occasionally would have done him
no harm, and would have been a world of advantage to her. But she idolized him,
and was proud to be his bond-servant.
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