'I lull a fancy, trouble-tost.'
Miss Swancourt, it is eleven o'clock.'
She was looking out of her dressing-room window on the first floor, and
Knight was regarding her from the terrace balustrade, upon which he had been
idly sitting for some time--dividing the glances of his eye between the pages of
a book in his hand, the brilliant hues of the geraniums and calceolarias, and
the open window above-mentioned.
'Yes, it is, I know. I am coming.'
He drew closer, and under the window.
'How are you this morning, Elfride? You look no better for your long night's
rest.'
She appeared at the door shortly after, took his offered arm, and together
they walked slowly down the gravel path leading to the river and away under the
trees.
Her resolution, sustained during the last fifteen hours, had been to tell the
whole truth, and now the moment had come.
Step by step they advanced, and still she did not speak. They were nearly at
the end of the walk, when Knight broke the silence.
'Well, what is the confession, Elfride?'
She paused a moment, drew a long breath; and this is what she said:
'I told you one day--or rather I gave you to understand--what was not true. I
fancy you thought me to mean I was nineteen my next birthday, but it was my last
I was nineteen.'
The moment had been too much for her. Now that the crisis had come, no qualms
of conscience, no love of honesty, no yearning to make a confidence and obtain
forgiveness with a kiss, could string Elfride up to the venture. Her dread lest
he should be unforgiving was heightened by the thought of yesterday's artifice,
which might possibly add disgust to his disappointment. The certainty of one
more day's affection, which she gained by silence, outvalued the hope of a
perpetuity combined with the risk of all.
The trepidation caused by these thoughts on what she had intended to say
shook so naturally the words she did say, that Knight never for a moment
suspected them to be a last moment's substitution. He smiled and pressed her
hand warmly.
'My dear Elfie--yes, you are now--no protestation--what a winning little
woman you are, to be so absurdly scrupulous about a mere iota! Really, I never
once have thought whether your nineteenth year was the last or the present. And,
by George, well I may not; for it would never do for a staid fogey a dozen years
older to stand upon such a trifle as that.'
'Don't praise me--don't praise me! Though I prize it from your lips, I don't
deserve it now.'
But Knight, being in an exceptionally genial mood, merely saw this
distressful exclamation as modesty. 'Well,' he added, after a minute, 'I like
you all the better, you know, for such moral precision, although I called it
absurd.' He went on with tender earnestness: 'For, Elfride, there is one thing I
do love to see in a woman--that is, a soul truthful and clear as heaven's light.
I could put up with anything if I had that--forgive nothing if I had it not.
Elfride, you have such a soul, if ever woman had; and having it, retain it, and
don't ever listen to the fashionable theories of the day about a woman's
privileges and natural right to practise wiles. Depend upon it, my dear girl,
that a noble woman must be as honest as a noble man. I specially mean by
honesty, fairness not only in matters of business and social detail, but in all
the delicate dealings of love, to which the licence given to your sex
particularly refers.'
Elfride looked troublously at the trees.
'Now let us go on to the river, Elfie.'
'I would if I had a hat on,' she said with a sort of suppressed woe.
'I will get it for you,' said Knight, very willing to purchase her
companionship at so cheap a price. 'You sit down there a minute.' And he turned
and walked rapidly back to the house for the article in question.
Elfride sat down upon one of the rustic benches which adorned this portion of
the grounds, and remained with her eyes upon the grass. She was induced to lift
them by hearing the brush of light and irregular footsteps hard by. Passing
along the path which intersected the one she was in and traversed the outer
shrubberies, Elfride beheld the farmer's widow, Mrs. Jethway. Before she noticed
Elfride, she paused to look at the house, portions of which were visible through
the bushes. Elfride, shrinking back, hoped the unpleasant woman might go on
without seeing her. But Mrs. Jethway, silently apostrophizing the house, with
actions which seemed dictated by a half-overturned reason, had discerned the
girl, and immediately came up and stood in front of her.
'Ah, Miss Swancourt! Why did you disturb me? Mustn't I trespass here?'
'You may walk here if you like, Mrs. Jethway. I do not disturb you.'
'You disturb my mind, and my mind is my whole life; for my boy is there
still, and he is gone from my body.'
'Yes, poor young man. I was sorry when he died.'
'Do you know what he died of? '
'Consumption.'
'Oh no, no!' said the widow. 'That word "consumption" covers a good deal. He
died because you were his own well-agreed sweetheart, and then proved false--and
it killed him. Yes, Miss Swancourt,' she said in an excited whisper, 'you killed
my son!'
'How can you be so wicked and foolish!' replied Elfride, rising indignantly.
But indignation was not natural to her, and having been so worn and harrowed by
late events, she lost any powers of defence that mood might have lent her. 'I
could not help his loving me, Mrs. Jethway!'
'That's just what you could have helped. You know how it began, Miss Elfride.
Yes: you said you liked the name of Felix better than any other name in the
parish, and you knew it was his name, and that those you said it to would report
it to him.'
'I knew it was his name--of course I did; but I am sure, Mrs. Jethway, I did
not intend anybody to tell him.'
'But you knew they would.'
'No, I didn't.'
'And then, after that, when you were riding on Revels-day by our house, and
the lads were gathered there, and you wanted to dismount, when Jim Drake and
George Upway and three or four more ran forward to hold your pony, and Felix
stood back timid, why did you beckon to him, and say you would rather he held
it? '
'O Mrs. Jethway, you do think so mistakenly! I liked him best-- that's why I
wanted him to do it. He was gentle and nice--I always thought him so--and I
liked him.'
'Then why did you let him kiss you?'
'It is a falsehood; oh, it is, it is!' said Elfride, weeping with
desperation. 'He came behind me, and attempted to kiss me; and that was why I
told him never to let me see him again.'
'But you did not tell your father or anybody, as you would have if you had
looked upon it then as the insult you now pretend it was.'
'He begged me not to tell, and foolishly enough I did not. And I wish I had
now. I little expected to be scourged with my own kindness. Pray leave me, Mrs.
Jethway.' The girl only expostulated now.
'Well, you harshly dismissed him, and he died. And before his body was cold,
you took another to your heart. Then as carelessly sent him about his business,
and took a third. And if you consider that nothing, Miss Swancourt,' she
continued, drawing closer; 'it led on to what was very serious indeed. Have you
forgotten the would-be runaway marriage? The journey to London, and the return
the next day without being married, and that there's enough disgrace in that to
ruin a woman's good name far less light than yours? You may have: I have not.
Fickleness towards a lover is bad, but fickleness after playing the wife is
wantonness.'
'Oh, it's a wicked cruel lie! Do not say it; oh, do not! '
'Does your new man know of it? I think not, or he would be no man of yours!
As much of the story as was known is creeping about the neighbourhood even now;
but I know more than any of them, and why should I respect your love?'
'I defy you!' cried Elfride tempestuously. 'Do and say all you can to ruin
me; try; put your tongue at work; I invite it! I defy you as a slanderous woman!
Look, there he comes.' And her voice trembled greatly as she saw through the
leaves the beloved form of Knight coming from the door with her hat in his hand.
'Tell him at once; I can bear it.'
'Not now,' said the woman, and disappeared down the path.
The excitement of her latter words had restored colour to Elfride's cheeks;
and hastily wiping her eyes, she walked farther on, so that by the time her
lover had overtaken her the traces of emotion had nearly disappeared from her
face. Knight put the hat upon her head, took her hand, and drew it within his
arm.
It was the last day but one previous to their departure for St. Leonards; and
Knight seemed to have a purpose in being much in her company that day. They
rambled along the valley. The season was that period in the autumn when the
foliage alone of an ordinary plantation is rich enough in hues to exhaust the
chromatic combinations of an artist's palette. Most lustrous of all are the
beeches, graduating from bright rusty red at the extremity of the boughs to a
bright yellow at their inner parts; young oaks are still of a neutral green;
Scotch firs and hollies are nearly blue; whilst occasional dottings of other
varieties give maroons and purples of every tinge.
The river--such as it was--here pursued its course amid flagstones as level
as a pavement, but divided by crevices of irregular width. With the summer
drought the torrent had narrowed till it was now but a thread of crystal
clearness, meandering along a central channel in the rocky bed of the winter
current. Knight scrambled through the bushes which at this point nearly covered
the brook from sight, and leapt down upon the dry portion of the river bottom.
'Elfride, I never saw such a sight!' he exclaimed. 'The hazels overhang the
river's course in a perfect arch, and the floor is beautifully paved. The place
reminds one of the passages of a cloister. Let me help you down.'
He assisted her through the marginal underwood and down to the stones. They
walked on together to a tiny cascade about a foot wide and high, and sat down
beside it on the flags that for nine months in the year were submerged beneath a
gushing bourne. From their feet trickled the attenuated thread of water which
alone remained to tell the intent and reason of this leaf-covered aisle, and
journeyed on in a zigzag line till lost in the shade.
Knight, leaning on his elbow, after contemplating all this, looked critically
at Elfride.
'Does not such a luxuriant head of hair exhaust itself and get thin as the
years go on from eighteen to eight-and-twenty?' he asked at length.
'Oh no!' she said quickly, with a visible disinclination to harbour such a
thought, which came upon her with an unpleasantness whose force it would be
difficult for men to understand. She added afterwards, with smouldering
uneasiness, 'Do you really think that a great abundance of hair is more likely
to get thin than a moderate quantity?'
'Yes, I really do. I believe--am almost sure, in fact--that if statistics
could be obtained on the subject, you would find the persons with thin hair were
those who had a superabundance originally, and that those who start with a
moderate quantity retain it without much loss.'
Elfride's troubles sat upon her face as well as in her heart. Perhaps to a
woman it is almost as dreadful to think of losing her beauty as of losing her
reputation. At any rate, she looked quite as gloomy as she had looked at any
minute that day.
'You shouldn't be so troubled about a mere personal adornment,' said Knight,
with some of the severity of tone that had been customary before she had
beguiled him into softness.
'I think it is a woman's duty to be as beautiful as she can. If I were a
scholar, I would give you chapter and verse for it from one of your own Latin
authors. I know there is such a passage, for papa has alluded to it.'
"'Munditiae, et ornatus, et cultus," &c.--is that it? A passage in Livy which
is no defence at all.'
'No, it is not that.'
'Never mind, then; for I have a reason for not taking up my old cudgels
against you, Elfie. Can you guess what the reason is?'
'No; but I am glad to hear it,' she said thankfully. 'For it is dreadful when
you talk so. For whatever dreadful name the weakness may deserve, I must
candidly own that I am terrified to think my hair may ever get thin.'
'Of course; a sensible woman would rather lose her wits than her beauty.'
'I don't care if you do say satire and judge me cruelly. I know my hair is
beautiful; everybody says so.'
'Why, my dear Miss Swancourt,' he tenderly replied, 'I have not said anything
against it. But you know what is said about handsome being and handsome doing.'
'Poor Miss Handsome-does cuts but a sorry figure beside Miss Handsome-is in
every man's eyes, your own not excepted, Mr. Knight, though it pleases you to
throw off so,' said Elfride saucily. And lowering her voice: 'You ought not to
have taken so much trouble to save me from falling over the cliff, for you don't
think mine a life worth much trouble evidently.'
'Perhaps you think mine was not worth yours.'
'It was worth anybody's!'
Her hand was plashing in the little waterfall, and her eyes were bent the
same way.
'You talk about my severity with you, Elfride. You are unkind to me, you
know.'
'How?' she asked, looking up from her idle occupation.
'After my taking trouble to get jewellery to please you, you wouldn't accept
it.'
'Perhaps I would now; perhaps I want to.'
'Do!' said Knight.
And the packet was withdrawn from his pocket and presented the third time.
Elfride took it with delight. The obstacle was rent in twain, and the
significant gift was hers.
'I'll take out these ugly ones at once,' she exclaimed, 'and I'll wear
yours--shall I?'
'I should be gratified.'
Now, though it may seem unlikely, considering how far the two had gone in
converse, Knight had never yet ventured to kiss Elfride. Far slower was he than
Stephen Smith in matters like that. The utmost advance he had made in such
demonstrations had been to the degree witnessed by Stephen in the summer-house.
So Elfride's cheek being still forbidden fruit to him, he said impulsively.
'Elfie, I should like to touch that seductive ear of yours. Those are my
gifts; so let me dress you in them.'
She hesitated with a stimulating hesitation.
'Let me put just one in its place, then?'
Her face grew much warmer.
'I don't think it would be quite the usual or proper course,' she said,
suddenly turning and resuming her operation of plashing in the miniature
cataract.
The stillness of things was disturbed by a bird coming to the streamlet to
drink. After watching him dip his bill, sprinkle himself, and fly into a tree,
Knight replied, with the courteous brusqueness she so much liked to hear--
'Elfride, now you may as well be fair. You would mind my doing it but little,
I think; so give me leave, do.'
'I will be fair, then,' she said confidingly, and looking him full in the
face. It was a particular pleasure to her to be able to do a little honesty
without fear. 'I should not mind your doing so-- I should like such an
attention. My thought was, would it be right to let you?'
'Then I will!' he rejoined, with that singular earnestness about a small
matter--in the eyes of a ladies' man but a momentary peg for flirtation or
jest--which is only found in deep natures who have been wholly unused to toying
with womankind, and which, from its unwontedness, is in itself a tribute the
most precious that can be rendered, and homage the most exquisite to be
received.
'And you shall,' she whispered, without reserve, and no longer mistress of
the ceremonies. And then Elfride inclined herself towards him, thrust back her
hair, and poised her head sideways. In doing this her arm and shoulder
necessarily rested against his breast.
At the touch, the sensation of both seemed to be concentrated at the point of
contact. All the time he was performing the delicate manoeuvre Knight trembled
like a young surgeon in his first operation.
'Now the other,' said Knight in a whisper.
'No, no.'
'Why not?'
'I don't know exactly.'
'You must know.'
'Your touch agitates me so. Let us go home.'
'Don't say that, Elfride. What is it, after all? A mere nothing. Now turn
round, dearest.'
She was powerless to disobey, and turned forthwith; and then, without any
defined intention in either's mind, his face and hers drew closer together; and
he supported her there, and kissed her.
Knight was at once the most ardent and the coolest man alive. When his
emotions slumbered he appeared almost phlegmatic; when they were moved he was no
less than passionate. And now, without having quite intended an early marriage,
he put the question plainly. It came with all the ardour which was the
accumulation of long years behind a natural reserve.
'Elfride, when shall we be married?'
The words were sweet to her; but there was a bitter in the sweet. These
newly-overt acts of his, which had culminated in this plain question, coming on
the very day of Mrs. Jethway's blasting reproaches, painted distinctly her
fickleness as an enormity. Loving him in secret had not seemed such
thorough-going inconstancy as the same love recognized and acted upon in the
face of threats. Her distraction was interpreted by him at her side as the
outward signs of an unwonted experience.
'I don't press you for an answer now, darling,' he said, seeing she was not
likely to give a lucid reply. 'Take your time.'
Knight was as honourable a man as was ever loved and deluded by woman. It may
be said that his blindness in love proved the point, for shrewdness in love
usually goes with meanness in general. Once the passion had mastered him, the
intellect had gone for naught. Knight, as a lover, was more single-minded and
far simpler than his friend Stephen, who in other capacities was shallow beside
him.
Without saying more on the subject of their marriage, Knight held her at
arm's length, as if she had been a large bouquet, and looked at her with
critical affection.
'Does your pretty gift become me?' she inquired, with tears of excitement on
the fringes of her eyes.
'Undoubtedly, perfectly!' said her lover, adopting a lighter tone to put her
at her ease. 'Ah, you should see them; you look shinier than ever. Fancy that I
have been able to improve you!'
'Am I really so nice? I am glad for your sake. I wish I could see myself.'
'You can't. You must wait till we get home.'
'I shall never be able,' she said, laughing. 'Look: here's a way.'
'So there is. Well done, woman's wit!'
'Hold me steady!'
'Oh yes.'
'And don't let me fall, will you?'
'By no means.'
Below their seat the thread of water paused to spread out into a smooth small
pool. Knight supported her whilst she knelt down and leant over it.
'I can see myself. Really, try as religiously as I will, I cannot help
admiring my appearance in them.'
'Doubtless. How can you be so fond of finery? I believe you are corrupting me
into a taste for it. I used to hate every such thing before I knew you.'
'I like ornaments, because I want people to admire what you possess, and envy
you, and say, "I wish I was he." '
'I suppose I ought not to object after that. And how much longer are you
going to look in there at yourself?'
'Until you are tired of holding me? Oh, I want to ask you something.' And she
turned round. 'Now tell truly, won't you? What colour of hair do you like best
now?'
Knight did not answer at the moment.
'Say light, do!' she whispered coaxingly. 'Don't say dark, as you did that
time.'
'Light-brown, then. Exactly the colour of my sweetheart's.'
'Really?' said Elfride, enjoying as truth what she knew to be flattery.
'Yes.'
'And blue eyes, too, not hazel? Say yes, say yes!'
'One recantation is enough for to-day.'
'No, no.'
'Very well, blue eyes.' And Knight laughed, and drew her close and kissed her
the second time, which operations he performed with the carefulness of a
fruiterer touching a bunch of grapes so as not to disturb their bloom.
Elfride objected to a second, and flung away her face, the movement causing a
slight disarrangement of hat and hair. Hardly thinking what she said in the
trepidation of the moment, she exclaimed, clapping her hand to her ear--
'Ah, we must be careful! I lost the other earring doing like this.'
No sooner did she realise the significant words than a troubled look passed
across her face, and she shut her lips as if to keep
them back.
'Doing like what?' said Knight, perplexed.
'Oh, sitting down out of doors,' she replied hastily.
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