YES, it is strange how little a while at a time a person can be contented.
Only a little while back, when I was riding and suffering, what a heaven this
peace, this rest, this sweet serenity in this secluded shady nook by this
purling stream would have seemed, where I could keep perfectly comfortable all
the time by pouring a dipper of water into my armor now and then; yet already I
was getting dissatisfied; partly because I could not light my pipe -- for,
although I had long ago started a match factory, I had forgotten to bring
matches with me -- and partly because we had nothing to eat. Here was another
illustration of the childlike improvidence of this age and people. A man in
armor always trusted to chance for his food on a journey, and would have been
scandalized at the idea of hanging a basket of sandwiches on his spear. There
was probably not a knight of all the Round Table combination who would not
rather have died than been caught carrying such a thing as that on his
flagstaff. And yet there could not be anything more sensible. It had been my
intention to smuggle a couple of sandwiches into my helmet, but I was
interrupted in the act, and had to make an excuse and lay them aside, and a dog
got them.
Night approached, and with it a storm. The darkness came on fast. We must
camp, of course. I found a good shelter for the demoiselle under a rock, and
went off and found another for myself. But I was obliged to remain in my armor,
because I could not get it off by myself and yet could not allow Alisande to
help, because it would have seemed so like undressing before folk. It would not
have amounted to that in reality, because I had clothes on underneath; but the
prejudices of one's breeding are not gotten rid of just at a jump, and I knew
that when it came to stripping off that bob-tailed iron petticoat I should be
embarrassed.
With the storm came a change of weather; and the stronger the wind blew, and
the wilder the rain lashed around, the colder and colder it got. Pretty soon,
various kinds of bugs and ants and worms and things began to flock in out of the
wet and crawl down inside my armor to get warm; and while some of them behaved
well enough, and snuggled up amongst my clothes and got quiet, the majority were
of a restless, uncomfortable sort, and never stayed still, but went on prowling
and hunting for they did not know what; especially the ants, which went tickling
along in wearisome procession from one end of me to the other by the hour, and
are a kind of creatures which I never wish to sleep with again. It would be my
advice to persons situated in this way, to not roll or thrash around, because
this excites the interest of all the different sorts of animals and makes every
last one of them want to turn out and see what is going on, and this makes
things worse than they were before, and of course makes you objurgate harder,
too, if you can. Still, if one did not roll and thrash around he would die; so
perhaps it is as well to do one way as the other; there is no real choice. Even
after I was frozen solid I could still distinguish that tickling, just as a
corpse does when he is taking electric treatment. I said I would never wear
armor after this trip.
All those trying hours whilst I was frozen and yet was in a living fire, as
you may say, on account of that swarm of crawlers, that same unanswerable
question kept circling and circling through my tired head: How do people stand
this miserable armor? How have they managed to stand it all these generations?
How can they sleep at night for dreading the tortures of next day?
When the morning came at last, I was in a bad enough plight: seedy, drowsy,
fagged, from want of sleep; weary from thrashing around, famished from long
fasting; pining for a bath, and to get rid of the animals; and crippled with
rheumatism. And how had it fared with the nobly born, the titled aristocrat, the
Demoiselle Alisande la Carteloise? Why, she was as fresh as a squirrel; she had
slept like the dead; and as for a bath, probably neither she nor any other noble
in the land had ever had one, and so she was not missing it. Measured by modern
standards, they were merely modified savages, those people. This noble lady
showed no impatience to get to breakfast -- and that smacks of the savage, too.
On their journeys those Britons were used to long fasts, and knew how to bear
them; and also how to freight up against probable fasts before starting, after
the style of the Indian and the anaconda. As like as not, Sandy was loaded for a
three-day stretch.
We were off before sunrise, Sandy riding and I limping along behind. In half
an hour we came upon a group of ragged poor creatures who had assembled to mend
the thing which was regarded as a road. They were as humble as animals to me;
and when I proposed to breakfast with them, they were so flattered, so
overwhelmed by this extraordinary condescension of mine that at first they were
not able to believe that I was in earnest. My lady put up her scornful lip and
withdrew to one side; she said in their hearing that she would as soon think of
eating with the other cattle -- a remark which embarrassed these poor devils
merely because it referred to them, and not because it insulted or offended
them, for it didn't. And yet they were not slaves, not chattels. By a sarcasm of
law and phrase they were freemen. Seven-tenths of the free population of the
country were of just their class and degree: small "independent" farmers,
artisans, etc.; which is to say, they were the nation, the actual Nation; they
were about all of it that was useful, or worth saving, or really respect-worthy,
and to subtract them would have been to subtract the Nation and leave behind
some dregs, some refuse, in the shape of a king, nobility and gentry, idle,
unproductive, acquainted mainly with the arts of wasting and destroying, and of
no sort of use or value in any rationally constructed world. And yet, by
ingenious contrivance, this gilded minority, instead of being in the tail of the
procession where it belonged, was marching head up and banners flying, at the
other end of it; had elected itself to be the Nation, and these innumerable
clams had permitted it so long that they had come at last to accept it as a
truth; and not only that, but to believe it right and as it should be. The
priests had told their fathers and themselves that this ironical state of things
was ordained of God; and so, not reflecting upon how unlike God it would be to
amuse himself with sarcasms, and especially such poor transparent ones as this,
they had dropped the matter there and become respectfully quiet.
The talk of these meek people had a strange enough sound in a formerly
American ear. They were freemen, but they could not leave the estates of their
lord or their bishop without his permission; they could not prepare their own
bread, but must have their corn ground and their bread baked at his mill and his
bakery, and pay roundly for the same; they could not sell a piece of their own
property without paying him a handsome percentage of the proceeds, nor buy a
piece of somebody else's without remembering him in cash for the privilege; they
had to harvest his grain for him gratis, and be ready to come at a moment's
notice, leaving their own crop to destruction by the threatened storm; they had
to let him plant fruit trees in their fields, and then keep their indignation to
themselves when his heedless fruit-gatherers trampled the grain around the
trees; they had to smother their anger when his hunting parties galloped through
their fields laying waste the result of their patient toil; they were not
allowed to keep doves themselves, and when the swarms from my lord's dovecote
settled on their crops they must not lose their temper and kill a bird, for
awful would the penalty be; when the harvest was at last gathered, then came the
procession of robbers to levy their blackmail upon it: first the Church carted
off its fat tenth, then the king's commissioner took his twentieth, then my
lord's people made a mighty inroad upon the remainder; after which, the skinned
freeman had liberty to bestow the remnant in his barn, in case it was worth the
trouble; there were taxes, and taxes, and taxes, and more taxes, and taxes
again, and yet other taxes -- upon this free and independent pauper, but none
upon his lord the baron or the bishop, none upon the wasteful nobility or the
all-devouring Church; if the baron would sleep unvexed, the freeman must sit up
all night after his day's work and whip the ponds to keep the frogs quiet; if
the freeman's daughter -- but no, that last infamy of monarchical government is
unprintable; and finally, if the freeman, grown desperate with his tortures,
found his life unendurable under such conditions, and sacrificed it and fled to
death for mercy and refuge, the gentle Church condemned him to eternal fire, the
gentle law buried him at midnight at the cross-roads with a stake through his
back, and his master the baron or the bishop confiscated all his property and
turned his widow and his orphans out of doors.
And here were these freemen assembled in the early morning to work on their
lord the bishop's road three days each -- gratis; every head of a family, and
every son of a family, three days each, gratis, and a day or so added for their
servants. Why, it was like reading about France and the French, before the ever
memorable and blessed Revolution, which swept a thousand years of such villany
away in one swift tidal-wave of blood -- one: a settlement of that hoary debt in
the proportion of half a drop of blood for each hogshead of it that had been
pressed by slow tortures out of that people in the weary stretch of ten
centuries of wrong and shame and misery the like of which was not to be mated
but in hell. There were two "Reigns of Terror," if we would but remember it and
consider it; the one wrought murder in hot passion, the other in heartless cold
blood; the one lasted mere months, the other had lasted a thousand years; the
one inflicted death upon ten thousand persons, the other upon a hundred
millions; but our shudders are all for the "horrors" of the minor Terror, the
momentary Terror, so to speak; whereas, what is the horror of swift death by the
axe, compared with lifelong death from hunger, cold, insult, cruelty, and
heart-break? What is swift death by lightning compared with death by slow fire
at the stake? A city cemetery could contain the coffins filled by that brief
Terror which we have all been so diligently taught to shiver at and mourn over;
but all France could hardly contain the coffins filled by that older and real
Terror -- that unspeakably bitter and awful Terror which none of us has been
taught to see in its vastness or pity as it deserves.
These poor ostensible freemen who were sharing their breakfast and their talk
with me, were as full of humble reverence for their king and Church and nobility
as their worst enemy could desire. There was something pitifully ludicrous about
it. I asked them if they supposed a nation of people ever existed, who, with a
free vote in every man's hand, would elect that a single family and its
descendants should reign over it forever, whether gifted or boobies, to the
exclusion of all other families -- including the voter's; and would also elect
that a certain hundred families should be raised to dizzy summits of rank, and
clothed on with offensive transmissible glories and privileges to the exclusion
of the rest of the nation's families -- INCLUDING HIS OWN.
They all looked unhit, and said they didn't know; that they had never thought
about it before, and it hadn't ever occurred to them that a nation could be so
situated that every man COULD have a say in the government. I said I had seen
one -- and that it would last until it had an Established Church. Again they
were all unhit -- at first. But presently one man looked up and asked me to
state that proposition again; and state it slowly, so it could soak into his
understanding. I did it; and after a little he had the idea, and he brought his
fist down and said HE didn't believe a nation where every man had a vote would
voluntarily get down in the mud and dirt in any such way; and that to steal from
a nation its will and preference must be a crime and the first of all crimes. I
said to myself:
"This one's a man. If I were backed by enough of his sort, I would make a
strike for the welfare of this country, and try to prove myself its loyalest
citizen by making a wholesome change in its system of government."
You see my kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its
institutions or its office-holders. The country is the real thing, the
substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care
for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing,
and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to
protect the body from winter, disease, and death. To be loyal to rags, to shout
for rags, to worship rags, to die for rags -- that is a loyalty of unreason, it
is pure animal; it belongs to monarchy, was invented by monarchy; let monarchy
keep it. I was from Connecticut, whose Constitution declares "that all political
power is inherent in the people, and all free governments are founded on their
authority and instituted for their benefit; and that they have AT ALL TIMES an
undeniable and indefeasible right to ALTER THEIR FORM OF GOVERNMENT in such a
manner as they may think expedient."
Under that gospel, the citizen who thinks he sees that the commonwealth's
political clothes are worn out, and yet holds his peace and does not agitate for
a new suit, is disloyal; he is a traitor. That he may be the only one who thinks
he sees this decay, does not excuse him; it is his duty to agitate anyway, and
it is the duty of the others to vote him down if they do not see the matter as
he does.
And now here I was, in a country where a right to say how the country should
be governed was restricted to six persons in each thousand of its population.
For the nine hundred and ninety-four to express dissatisfaction with the regnant
system and propose to change it, would have made the whole six shudder as one
man, it would have been so disloyal, so dishonorable, such putrid black treason.
So to speak, I was become a stockholder in a corporation where nine hundred and
ninety-four of the members furnished all the money and did all the work, and the
other six elected themselves a permanent board of direction and took all the
dividends. It seemed to me that what the nine hundred and ninety-four dupes
needed was a new deal. The thing that would have best suited the circus side of
my nature would have been to resign the Boss-ship and get up an insurrection and
turn it into a revolution; but I knew that the Jack Cade or the Wat Tyler who
tries such a thing without first educating his materials up to revolution grade
is almost absolutely certain to get left. I had never been accustomed to getting
left, even if I do say it myself. Wherefore, the "deal" which had been for some
time working into shape in my mind was of a quite different pattern from the
Cade-Tyler sort.
So I did not talk blood and insurrection to that man there who sat munching
black bread with that abused and mistaught herd of human sheep, but took him
aside and talked matter of another sort to him. After I had finished, I got him
to lend me a little ink from his veins; and with this and a sliver I wrote on a
piece of bark --
Put him in the Man-factory --
and gave it to him, and said:
"Take it to the palace at Camelot and give it into the hands of Amyas le
Poulet, whom I call Clarence, and he will understand."
"He is a priest, then," said the man, and some of the enthusiasm went out of
his face.
"How -- a priest? Didn't I tell you that no chattel of the Church, no
bond-slave of pope or bishop can enter my Man-Factory? Didn't I tell you that
YOU couldn't enter unless your religion, whatever it might be, was your own free
property?"
"Marry, it is so, and for that I was glad; wherefore it liked me not, and
bred in me a cold doubt, to hear of this priest being there."
"But he isn't a priest, I tell you."
The man looked far from satisfied. He said:
"He is not a priest, and yet can read?"
"He is not a priest and yet can read -- yes, and write, too, for that matter.
I taught him myself." The man's face cleared. "And it is the first thing that
you yourself will be taught in that Factory --"
"I? I would give blood out of my heart to know that art. Why, I will be your
slave, your --"
"No you won't, you won't be anybody's slave. Take your family and go along.
Your lord the bishop will confiscate your small property, but no matter.
Clarence will fix you all right."
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