Ikeptthisnewplaceforonlyayearandthenwentbacktomyfather,whohadretiredsometimebeforeandwaslivingalone.Togetherwepassedanexcellentyear,heoccupyinghimselfwithsomeliterarywork,whileIincreasedourfundsbygivingprivatelessons.MeantimeIcontinuedmyeffortstoeducatemyself.ThiswasnoeasytaskundertheRussiangovernmentofWarsaw;yetIfoundmoreopportunitiesthaninthecountry.Tomygreatjoy,Iwasable,forthefirsttimeinmylife,tofindaccesstoalaboratory:asmallmunicipalphysicallaboratorydirectedbyoneofmycousins.Ifoundlittletimetoworkthere,exceptintheeveningsandonSundays,andwasgenerallylefttomyself.Itriedoutvariousexperimentsdescribedintreatisesonphysicsandchemistry,andtheresultsweresometimesunexpected.AttimesIwouldbeencouragedbyalittleunhoped-forsuccess,atothersIwouldbeinthedeepestdespairbecauseofaccidentsandfailuresresultingfrommyinexperience.Butonthewhole,thoughIwastaughtthatthewayofprogressisneitherswiftnoreasy,thisfirsttrialconfirmedinmethetasteforexperimentalresearchinthefieldsofphysicsandchemistry.
OthermeansofinstructioncametomethroughmybeingoneofanenthusiasticgroupofyoungmenandwomenofWarsaw,whounitedinacommondesiretostudy,andwhoseactivitieswereatthesametimesocialandpatriotic.ItwasoneofthosegroupsofPolishyouthswhobelievedthatthehopeoftheircountrylayinagreatefforttodeveloptheintellectualandmoralstrengthofthenation,andthatsuchaneffortwouldleadtoabetternationalsituation.Thenearestpurposewastoworkatone'sowninstructionandtoprovidemeansofinstructionforworkmenandpeasants.Inaccordancewiththisprogramweagreedamongourselvestogiveeveningcourses,eachoneteachingwhatheknewbest.Thereisnoneedtosaythatthiswasasecretorganization,whichmadeeverythingextremelydifficult.Therewereinourgroupverydevotedyoungpeoplewho,asIstillbelievetoday,coulddotrulyusefulwork.
IhaveabrightremembranceofthesympatheticintellectualandsocialcompanionshipwhichIenjoyedatthattime.Trulythemeansofactionwerepoorandtheresultsobtainedcouldnotbeconsiderable;yetIstillbelievethattheideaswhichinspiredusthenaretheonlywaytorealsocialprogress.Youcannothopetobuildabetterworldwithoutimprovingtheindividuals.Tothatendeachofusmustworkforhisownimprovement,andatthesametimeshareageneralresponsibilityforallhumanity,ourparticulardutybeingtoaidthosetowhomwethinkwecanbemostuseful.
Alltheexperiencesofthisperiodintensifiedmylongingforfurtherstudy.And,inhisaffectionforme,myfather,inspiteoflimitedresources,helpedmetohastentheexecutionofmyearlyproject.MysisterhadjustmarriedatParis,anditwasdecidedthatIshouldgotheretolivewithher.MyfatherandIhopedthat,oncemystudieswerefinished,wewouldagainlivehappilytogether.Fatewastodecideotherwise,sincemymarriagewastoholdmeinFrance.Myfather,whoinhisownyouthhadwishedtodoscientificwork,wasconsoledinourseparationbytheprogressivesuccessofmywork.Ikeepatendermemoryofhiskindnessanddisinterestedness.Helivedwiththefamilyofmymarriedbrother,and,likeanexcellentgrandfather,broughtupthechildren.Wehadthesorrowoflosinghimin,whenhehadjustpassedseventy.
SoitwasinNovember,,attheageoftwenty-four,thatIwasabletorealizethedreamthathadbeenalwayspresentinmymindforseveralyears.
WhenIarrivedinParisIwasaffectionatelywelcomedbymysisterandbrother-in-law,butIstayedwiththemonlyforafewmonths,fortheylivedinoneoftheoutsidequartersofPariswheremybrother-in-lawwasbeginningamedicalpractice,andIneededtogetnearertotheschools.Iwasfinallyinstalled,likemanyotherstudentsofmycountry,inamodestlittleroomforwhichIgatheredsomefurniture.Ikepttothiswayoflivingduringthefouryearsofmystudentlife.
Itwouldbeimpossibletotellofallthegoodtheseyearsbroughttome.Undistractedbyanyoutsideoccupation,Iwasentirelyabsorbedinthejoyoflearningandunderstanding.Yet,allthewhile,mylivingconditionswerefarfromeasy,myownfundsbeingsmallandmyfamilynothavingthemeanstoaidmeastheywouldhavelikedtodo.However,mysituationwasnotexceptional;itwasthefamiliarexperienceofmanyofthePolishstudentswhomIknew.TheroomIlivedinwasinagarret,verycoldinwinter,foritwasinsufficientlyheatedbyasmallstovewhichoftenlackedcoal.Duringaparticularlyrigorouswinter,itwasnotunusualforthewatertofreezeinthebasininthenight;tobeabletosleepIwasobligedtopileallmyclothesonthebedcovers.InthesameroomIpreparedmymealswiththeaidofanalcohollampandafewkitchenutensils.Thesemealswereoftenreducedtobreadwithacupofchocolate,eggsorfruit.IhadnohelpinhousekeepingandImyselfcarriedthelittlecoalIusedupthesixflights.
Thislife,painfulfromcertainpointsofview,had,forallthat,arealcharmforme.Itgavemeaveryprecioussenseoflibertyandindependence.UnknowninParis,Iwaslostinthegreatcity,butthefeelingoflivingtherealone,takingcareofmyselfwithoutanyaid,didnotatalldepressme.IfsometimesIfeltlonesome,myusualstateofmindwasoneofcalmandgreatmoralsatisfaction.