伯爵的鬍子&意大利童話
博卡帕利亞是建在陡峭山坡上的一個小鎮,鎮上人家的雞隻要一下蛋就會滾落到山下的樹林裡。為了防止雞蛋滾落丟失,居民們在每隻母雞的尾巴上掛了一個小袋子。
這說明博卡帕利亞人並非像別人挖苦的那樣軟弱無能,附近曾經流傳著這樣一句話:
誰都知道在博卡帕利亞,
驢子吹口哨,主人嚎叫。
這純粹是附近村鎮的人對他們的污蔑,這些人這樣對待博卡帕利亞人就是因為他們生性平靜,不願意和任何人爭吵。
「讓你們誣蔑吧,挖苦吧,」博卡帕利亞人都這樣說,「等馬西諾回來,看我們當中誰還會嚎叫。」
馬西諾是博卡帕利亞人中最聰明的人,深受全鎮的人愛戴。他並不比別人粗壯,甚至比一般人還瘦弱很多,但他天生聰明。他剛出世時,看上去瘦弱嬌小,媽媽為了讓他能活下來,而且還能長得強壯一點,就用熱葡萄酒給他洗澡。爸爸還把燒紅的鐵放到酒裡給酒加熱。這樣馬西諾既通過浸泡皮膚而獲得了酒的柔力,又吸收了鐵的剛強。洗完澡後,媽媽又把她放在鋪滿生栗子殼的搖籃裡,讓他的身體變涼爽,使他在刺痛中變得更加睿智。
長大後,馬西諾出發去服兵役,以後再也沒有回到自己的村鎮。現在好像到了非洲的某個地方。這期間博卡帕利亞開始出了一系列的怪事。每天晚上人們都會發現,他們的牛從平原上的草地放牧回來時,總要被女巫米奇利娜搶走好幾頭。
女巫米奇利娜總是藏在村子下方的樹林中,伺機而出,她只須吹一口氣就可以把一頭牛劫走。天黑後,每當村民們聽到林中灌木叢的沙沙響動,就會嚇的牙齒打架,甚至昏倒在地,所以大家都說:
女巫米奇利娜,
從牛欄把牛偷走,
只要用眼斜一下,
你就嚇得倒下。
村民們只好在夜裡點起一堆堆大篝火,使女巫米奇利娜不敢從樹叢中現身。但當只有一個人在篝火邊上看守牲畜時,女巫就會悄悄地靠上去,用氣把這個人吹昏,等到早上他醒過來的時候,奶牛、耕牛早已不見了,於是大家便聽到他痛哭、絕望,擊自己的頭。然後,所有的人都會一齊到樹林中尋找牲畜,結果,除了一綹頭髮、女人的的髮釵和女巫米奇利娜四處留下的足印,什麼也找不到。
就這樣過去了好幾個月,奶牛被一直關在牛圈裡變得越來越瘦。刷毛的時候已經不需要刷子了,用耙子在牛肋骨上耙幾下就行了。沒有人再敢將牲畜帶到草地上去了,也沒有人敢再進樹林裡,林子裡邊的蘑菇因為長久無人採摘,長得像雨傘一般大。
女巫米奇利娜從不去別的村鎮搶牛,因為她知道再沒有哪個村的村民像博卡帕利亞人這樣與世無爭、平靜忍耐了。每天晚上,這些貧苦的村民就在場院中間點上一堆篝火,女人和孩子留在家中,男人則圍著篝火撓頭抱怨著。怨了今天,怨明天,最後,他們決定得去找這裡的伯爵幫忙。
伯爵住在村鎮山頂上的一座圓形莊園裡,四周圍著圍牆,牆上還插滿了玻璃片。一個星期天的早上,村民們聚在一塊,帽子拿在手上,前來敲響了伯爵家的門。門打開後,村民們來到伯爵圓形房屋前的庭院,只見屋子的窗戶都用鐵柵欄封著,庭院四周坐著伯爵的衛兵,他們的鬍子上都塗著油,好讓鬍子看上去光彩油亮。這些人一個個對村民們怒目而視。庭院的最裡端,伯爵坐在絲絨面的椅子上,黑鬍子很長很長,四個衛兵正用四把梳子在給他從上往下地梳理它。
年紀最長的村民定了定神,說:「伯爵老爺,我們斗膽來您這裡,是為了向您稟告我們的不幸遭遇,森林中有一個女巫米奇利娜,把我們的牲畜都搶了去。」隨後,老人歎著氣,訴著苦,在別的村民的點頭證實下,向伯爵講述了他們這段時間的可怕經歷。
伯爵一聲不吭。
老人又說:「我們來這裡想冒昧向老爺您求討一個解決辦法。」
伯爵還是一聲不吭。
老人又補充說:「我們來這裡想斗膽請老爺您行行好幫我們一把,要是您肯派出一隊衛士,我們就可以回到草場上放牲畜了。」
伯爵把腦袋在脖子上轉了一圈,說:「要是派衛兵,我就還得派一個隊長……」
村民們都豎著耳朵聽著,似乎感受到一線希望。
「但要是我派隊長去,」伯爵說,「那麼,晚上,我還跟誰玩擲彩遊戲呢?」
村民們跪在地上說:「幫幫我們吧,伯爵老爺,可憐可憐我們吧!」周圍的衛士們開始厭煩地打著哈欠,給鬍子塗著黑油。
伯爵又轉了一下頭,說:
「我是伯爵,我說話能頂三個人說話,
既然我沒見過女巫,
說明根本就沒有女巫。」
聽到伯爵的話,那些正打著哈欠的衛士立即端起步槍,用刺刀慢慢地逼著村民們退出了庭院。
村民們垂頭喪氣地回到場院,不知下一步該怎麼辦,那個跟伯爵說過話的年紀最長的老人說:「現在我們得派人去把馬西諾請回來!」
說完,他們便立即給馬西諾寫了封信,然後將信寄到非洲。一天晚上,當村民們像往常一樣聚集在場院的篝火旁邊時,馬西諾回來了。人們激動的情景就別提了,大家衝上去擁抱他,煮上加香料的熱葡萄酒。有人問:「你去了什麼地方?」有人說:「你見到了些什麼東西?」還有人說:「你知道我們有多慘嗎?」
馬西諾先讓大家說了個夠,然後他開始敘述起來:「在非洲我遇到過不吃人只吃蟬的野蠻人;在沙漠我碰到過一個為了挖地下水而留了十二米長的指甲的瘋子;在海上我見過一條魚穿著一隻皮鞋和一隻拖鞋,它想成為眾魚之王,因為別的魚既沒有穿皮鞋的,也沒有穿拖鞋的;在西西里,我認識一位婦女生了七十個兒子,但全家只有一口鍋;在那不勒斯,我看見人們停住腳也能往前走,因為別人的閒言碎語太厲害了,變成了一股很大的推力;我還看見過聖人,看見過罪犯,看見過一百公斤重的胖子,也看見過骨瘦如柴的矮子,我見過很多膽小的人,但從沒見過像博卡帕利亞人這麼膽小的人。」
村民們都羞愧地低下了頭,馬西諾說他們膽小,實在是一針見血。但馬西諾並沒有責怪鄉親們的意思。他讓大家把女巫的事詳細地說了一遍,然後說:「我現在問你們三個問題,然後,等半夜一到,我就去抓住這個女巫,把她帶到這裡來。」
「問吧,問吧!」大家齊說。
「第一個問題要先問理髮師。這個月有多少人到你那裡理發?」
理髮師回答:
「有長鬍子的,有短鬍子的,
有鬍子軟軟的,有鬍子彎曲的,
有鬈發的,有蓬髮的,
我的剪刀給他們都剪過。」
「現在我問你,鞋匠,這個月有多少人到你那裡修鞋呢?」
「唉,」鞋匠說:
「我修過木拖鞋,修過皮拖鞋,
釘了一堆鞋釘,上了一堆掌鐵;
我修過布鞋,修過蛇皮鞋,
但現在人們都沒了錢,無人再來了。」
「第三個問題要問你了,制繩匠,這個月你賣出去多少根繩子?」
制繩匠說:
「柳繩,線繩,
搓的和編的草繩,
細細的柳條井繩,
粗如胳膊,細如針,
硬的如鐵,軟的如豬油,
這個月我賣了很多根。」
「好了,都明白了。」馬西諾說,在篝火旁躺下,「我現在先睡上兩個小時,我實在太累了。到半夜,你們把我叫醒,我去抓那個女巫。」說完,他用帽子遮住臉,睡著了。
村民們靜靜地守候在一邊,連大氣都不敢出,怕吵醒他。到半夜,馬西諾自己醒了過來,他打了個哈欠,喝下一小杯熱酒,又朝篝火吐了三口唾沫,然後,旁若無人地站起來直奔樹林。
村民們都留在原地等他,只見篝火燒成了火炭,火炭又燒成了柴灰,柴灰也變黑了,這時,馬西諾回來了。身後還帶著一個人,好像被拉著鬍子,是誰呀?是伯爵,伯爵一邊哭著,掙扎著,一邊求饒。
「這就是女巫!」馬西諾喊道。隨後又問:「熱酒放在哪裡了」?
伯爵在眾人的怒目逼視下,蜷縮在地上,好像一隻凍壞的蒼蠅。
馬西諾解釋說:「不可能是你們當中的人幹的,因為你們都理過發,剪過鬍鬚,不可能在樹叢中留下須毛;樹林裡有又大又重的鞋印,而你們都是赤腳進樹林的。也不可能是什麼精靈干的,因為精靈沒必要去買那麼多繩子綁了牲畜,再拉走。哎,我要的熱酒呢?」
伯爵渾身哆嗦著,竭力要躲到他的鬍子裡面,馬西諾把他從樹叢後拉出來的時候,他的鬍子被拉得亂七八糟。
「那他用什麼方法看我們一眼,就會讓我們昏倒呢?」一位村民問。
「他用包了布的木棍子在你們的頭上猛擊一棍,這樣你們覺得像吹氣一樣,頭上無痕跡,醒來時頭昏腦沉。」
「那他丟在森林中的那些頭釵呢?」另一個人問。
「這些頭釵是他用來把鬍子扎到頭上的,就像女人扎頭髮那樣。」
村民們都安靜地聽著,當馬西諾說「現在,大家想怎麼處置他?」時,人群中爆發出一陣激動的喊聲:「燒死他!剝他的皮!把他綁在桿子上當稻草人!把他關在桶裡讓他不停地轉!把他跟六隻貓,六隻狗一起捆進一個袋子裡!」
「饒命!」伯爵用顫抖的聲音哀求著。
「我看這樣吧,」馬西諾說,「讓他把牲畜都還給大家,再讓他把所有的牛棚打掃乾淨。既然他喜歡夜裡到森林中去,就罰他每天晚上都去給你們撿柴火。告訴孩子們以後看到地上有髮釵的話再也不要撿了,它們都是女巫米奇利娜的,她再也不能梳理好頭髮和鬍子了。」
村民們就照馬西諾說的做了。隨後,馬西諾又動身遊歷世界去了,一路上,他加入了一次又一次的戰爭,每一次戰爭都持續了很長時間,有詩為證:
啊,戰爭中的士兵,
你吃的差,睡在地上,
將火藥裝進炮膛,
崩!崩!
TheCountsBeard
ThetownofPocapagliawasperchedonthepinnacleofahillsosteepthatitsinhabitantstiedlittlebagsonthetailfeathersoftheirhenstocatcheachfreshlylaideggthatotherwisewouldhavegonerollingdowntheslopesintothewoodsbelow.
AllofwhichgoestoshowthatthepeopleofPocapagliawerenottheduncestheyweresaidtobe,andthattheproverb,
InPocapagliaways
Thedonkeywhistles,themasterbrays,
merelyreflectedthemaliciousgrudgetheneighboringtownspeopleborethePocapagliansfortheirpeacefulwaysandtheirreluctancetoquarrelwithanyone.
"Yes,yes,"wasallthePocapaglianswouldreply,"butjustwaituntilMasinoreturns,andyouwillseewhobraysmore,weoryou."
EverybodyinPocapaglialovedMasino,thesmartestboyintown.Hewasnostrongerphysicallythananybodyelse;infact,heevenlookedratherpuny.Buthehadalwaysbeenveryclever.Concernedoverhowlittlehewasatbirth,hismotherhadbathedhiminwarmwinetokeephimaliveandmakehimalittlestronger.Hisfatherhadheatedthewinewithared-hothorseshoe.ThatwayMasinoabsorbedthesubtletyofwineandtheenduranceofiron.Tocoolhimoffafterhisbath,hismothercradledhimintheshellofanunripenedchestnut;itwasbitterandgavehimunderstanding.
AtthetimethePocapaglianswereawaitingthereturnofMasino,whomnoonehadseensincethedayhewentofftobeasoldier(andwhowasnowmostlikelysomewhereinAfrica),strangethingsstartedhappeninginPocapaglia.Everyeveningasthecattlecamebackfrompastureintheplainbelow,ananimalwaswhiskedawaybyMicillinatheWitch.
Thewitchwouldhideinthewoodsatthefootofthehill,andallsheneededtodowasgiveoneheavypuff,andshehadherselfanox.Whenthefarmersheardherstealthroughthethicketafterdark,theirteethwouldchatter,andeveryonewouldfalldowninaswoon.Thatbecamesocommonthatpeopletooktosaying:
BewareofMicillina,thatoldwitch,
Forallyouroxenshewillfilch,
Thentrainonyouhercrossed-eye,
Andwaitforyoutofallanddie.
AtnighttheybeganlightinghugebonfirestokeepMicillinatheWitchfromventuringoutofthewoods.Butshewouldsneakuponthesolitaryfarmerwatchingovercattlebesidethebonfireandknockhimoutinonebreath.Inthemorninguponawaking,hedfindcowsandoxengone,andhisfriendswouldhearhimweepingandmoaningandhittinghimselfonthehead.Theneverybodycombedthewoodsfortracesofthestolencattle,butfoundonlytuftsofhair,hairpins,andfootprintslefthereandtherebyMicillinatheWitch.
Thingswentfrombadtoworse.Shutupallthetimeinthebarn,thecowsgrewasthinasrails.Arakeinsteadofabrushwasallthatwasneededtogroomthem,fromribtorib.Nobodydaredleadthecattletopastureanymore.Everyonestayedclearofthewoodsnow,andthemushroomsthatgrewtherewentunpickedandgotasbigasumbrellas.
MicillinatheWitchwasnottemptedtoplunderothertowns,knowingfullwellthatcalmandpeace-lovingpeopleweretobefoundonlyinPocapaglia.Therethepoorfarmerslitabigbonfireeverynightinthetownsquare,whilethewomenandchildrenlockedthemselvesindoors.Themensataroundthefirescratchingtheirheadsandgroaning.Dayafterdaytheyscratchedandgroaneduntiladecisionwasfinallyreachedtogotothecountforhelp.
Thecountlivedhighabovethetownonalargecircularestatesurroundedbyamassivewall.Thetopofthewallwasencrustedwithsharpbitsofglass.OneSundaymorningallthetownsmenarrived,withhatsinhand.Theyknocked,thedoorswungopen,andtheyfiledintothecourtyardbeforethecourtsrounddwelling,whichhadbarsatallthewindows.Aroundthecourtyardsatthecourtssoldierssmoothingtheirmustacheswithoiltomakethemshineandscowlingatthefarmers.Attheendofthecourtyard,inavelvetchair,satthecounthimselfwithhislongblackbeard,whichfoursoldierswerecombingfromheadtofoot.
Theoldestfarmertookheartandsaid,"YourHonor,wehavedaredcometoyouaboutourmisfortune.Asourcattlegointothewoods,MicillinatheWitchappearsandmakesoffwiththem."So,amidsighsandgroans,withtheotherfarmersnoddinginassent,hetoldthecountallabouttheirnightmare.
Thecountremainedsilent.
"Wehavecomehere,"saidtheoldman,"tobesoboldastoaskYourHonorsadvice."
Thecountremainedsilent.
"Wehavecomehere,"headded,"tobesoboldastoaskYourHonortohelpus.Ifyouassignedusanescortofsoldiers,wecouldagaintakeourcattledowntopasture."
Thecountshookhishead."IfIletyouhavethesoldiers,"hesaid,"Imustalsoletyouhavethecaptain"
Thefarmerslistened,hardlydaringtohope.
"Butifthecaptainisawayintheevening,"saidthecount,"whocanIplaylottowith?"
Thefarmersfelltotheirknees."Helpus,noblecount,forpityssake!"Thesoldiersaroundthecourtyardyawnedandstrokedtheirmustaches.
Againthecountshookhisheadandsaid:
IamthecountandIcountforthree;
NowitchhaveIseen,
So,nowitchhastherebeen.
Atthosewordsandstillyawning,thesoldierspickeduptheirgunsand,withbayonetsextended,movedslowlytowardthefarmers,whoturnedandfiledsilentlyoutofthecourtyard.
Backinthetownsquareandcompletelydiscouraged,thefarmershadnoideawhattodonext.Buttheseniorofthemall,theonewhohadspokentothecount,said,"TheresnothinglefttodobutsendforMasino!"
SotheywroteMasinoaletterandsentittoAfrica.Thenoneevening,whiletheywereallgatheredaroundthebonfireasusual,Masinoreturned.Imaginethewelcometheygavehim,theembraces,thepotsofhot,spicedwine!"Whereonearthhaveyoubeen?Whatdidyousee?Ifyouonlyknewwhatwehavebeengoingthrough!"
Masinoletthemhavetheirsay,thenhehadhis."InAfricaIsawcannibalswhoatenotmenbutlocusts;inthedesertIsawamadmanwhohadlethisfingernailsgrowtwelvemeterslongtodigforwater;intheseaIsawafishwithashoeandaslipperwhowantedtobekingoftheotherfish,sincenootherfishpossessedshoeorslipper;inSicilyIsawawomanwithseventysonsandonlyonekettle;inNaplesIsawpeoplewhowalkedwhilestandingstill,sincethechatterofotherpeoplekeptthemgoing;IsawsinnersandIsawsaints;Isawfatpeopleandpeoplenobiggerthanmites;many,manyfrightenedsoulsdidIsee,butneversomanyashereinPocapaglia."
Thefarmershungtheirheadsinshame,forMasinohadhitasensitivespotinsuggestingtheywerecowards.ButMasinowasnotcrosswithhisfellowtownsmen.Heaskedforadetailedaccountofthewitchsdoings,thensaid,"Letmeaskyouthreequestions,andatthestrokeofmidnightIllgooutandcatchthewitchandbringherbacktoyou."
"Letshearyourquestions!Outwiththem!"theyallsaid.
"Thefirstquestionisforthebarber.Howmanypeoplecametoyouthismonth?"
Thebarberreplied:
"Longbeards,shortbeards,
Finebeards,coarsebeards,
Locksstraight,lockscurly,
AllItrimmed(sic)inahurry."
"Yourturnnow,cobbler.Howmanypeoplebroughtyoutheiroldshoestomendthismonth?"
"Alas!"beganthecobbler:
"Shoesofwood,shoesofleather,
NailbynailIhammeredbacktogether,
Mendedshoesofsatinandshoesofserpent.
Buttheresnothinglefttodo,
Alltheirmoneyisspent."
"Thethirdquestiongoestoyou,ropemaker.Howmuchropedidyousellthismonth?"
Theropemakerreplied:
"RopegaloreofeverysortIsold:
Hemprope,braided,wicker,cord,
Needle-thintoarm-thick,
Lard-softtoiron-strong
ThismonthIcouldntgowrong."
"Verywell,"saidMasino,stretchingoutbythefire."Imnowgoingtosleepforafewhours,Imverytired.WakemeupatmidnightandIllgoafterthewitch."Heputhishatoverhisfaceandfellasleep.
Thefarmerskeptperfectlyquietuntilmidnight,notevendaringtobreathe,forfearofawakinghim.AtmidnightMasinoshookhimself,yawned,drankacupofmulledwine,spatthreetimesintothefire,gotupwithoutlookingatasoul,andheadedforthewoods.
Thefarmersstayedbehindwatchingthefireburndownandthelastembersturntoashes.Then,whomshouldMasinodraginbythebeardbutthecount!Acountthatwept,kicked,andpleadedformercy.
"Heresthewitch!"criedMasino,andasked,"Wheredidyouputthemulledwine?"
Beneaththefarmersamazedstares,thecounttriedtomakehimselfassmallaspossible,sittingonthegroundandshrinkinguplikeacold-bittenfly.
"Thethiefcouldhavebeennoneofyou,"explainedMasino,"sinceyouhadallgonetothebarberandhadnohairtoloseinthebushes.Thentherewerethosetracksmadebybigheavyshoes,butallofyougobarefoot.Norcouldthethiefhavebeenaghost,sincehewouldnthaveneededtobuyallthatcordtotieuptheanimalsandcarrythemaway.Butwhereismymulledwine?"
Shakingallover,thecounttriedtohideinthatbeardofhiswhichMasinohadtousledandtorninpullinghimoutofthebushes.
"Howdidheevermakeusfaintbyjustlookingatus?"askedonefarmer.
"Hewouldsmiteyouontheheadwithapaddedclub.Thatwayyouwouldhearonlyawhir.Hedleavenomarkonyou,youdsimplywakeupwithaheadache."
"Andthosehairpinshelost?"askedanother.
"Theywereusedtoholdhisbearduponhisheadandmakeitlooklikeawomanshair."
Untilthenthefarmershadlistenedinsilence,butwhenMasinosaid,"Andnow,whatshallwedowithhim?"astormofshoutsarose:"Burnhim!Skinhimalive!Stringhimupforascarecrow!Sealhiminacaskandrollhimdownthecliff!Sewhimupinasackwithsixcatsandsixdogs!"
"Havemercy!"saidthecountinavoicejustaboveawhisper.
"Sparehim,"saidMasino,"andhewillbringbackyourcattleandcleanyourbarns.Andsinceheenjoyedgoingintothewoodsatnight,makehimgothereeverynightandgatherbundlesoffirewoodforeachofyou.Tellthechildrennevertopickupthehairpinstheyfindontheground,fortheybelongtoMicillinatheWitch,whosehairandbeardwillbedisheveledfromnowon."
Thefarmersfollowedthesuggestion,andsoonMasinoleftPocapagliatotravelabouttheworld.Inthecourseofhistravels,hefoundhimselffightinginfirstonewarandanother,andtheyalllastedsolongthathissayingsprangup:
Soldierfighter,whatahardlot!
Wretchedfood,thegroundforacot.
Youfeedthecannonpowder:
Boom-BOOM!Boom-BOOM!Boomlouder!
(Bra)
NOTES:
"TheCountsBeard"(LabarbadelConte).Publishedhereforthefirsttime,collectedbyGiovanniArpinoinJuly1956,incertainvillagesofsouthernPiedmont:Bra(toldbyCaterinaAsteggiano,inmateofahomeforoldpeople,andLuigiBerzia),inGuarene(toldbyDoroPalladino,farmer),inNarzole(toldbyAnnettaTaricco,servantwoman),andinPocapaglia.
Thislongnarrative,whichwriterGiovanniArpinohastranscribedandunifiedfromdifferentversionswithvariantsandadditionsfromBraandsurroundings,cannotinmyviewbeclassifiedasafolktale.Itisalocallegendofrecentorigininpart(Iamthinking,forinstance,ofthegeographicalparticularsgiven),thatis,notpriortothenineteenthcentury,andcontainingdisparateelements:explanationofalocalsuperstition(thehairpinsofWitchMicillina),antifeudalcountrylegendsuchasonefindsinmanynortherncountries,curiousdetective-storystructurealaSherlockHolmes,manydigressionsnonessentialtothestory(suchasthetripfromAfricabacktotown——whichArpinotellsmealsoexistsasaseparatestory——andalltheallusionstoMasinospastandfutureadventureswhichleadtotheconclusionglobetrotterfromacountrywhoseinhabitantsarereputedtobecontrastinglyslowandbackward),verse(ofwhichArpinoandIhavepresentedonlyasmuchaswecouldeffectivetranslate),andgrotesqueimageswhichseemrootedintradition,suchasthesacksunderthehenstails,theoxensothinthattheywerecurriedwiththerake,thecountwhosebeardwascombedbyfoursoldiers,etc
Copyright:ItalianFolktalesSelectedandRetoldbyItaloCalvino,
translatedbyGeorgeMartin,
PantheonBooks,NewYork1980